


Scarf

by Fruipit



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Masturbation, Romance, Smut, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:18:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2680556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fruipit/pseuds/Fruipit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elsa has a secret, but she's never been good at keeping them—at least, not where Anna is concerned. Lucky Anna is so oblivious.<br/>Or... maybe not so lucky... (explicit as of chapter 4; ending redone to fix pacing/believability issue)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part the first | scarf

A snowball shattered against her window, jolting Elsa's attention away from the words running together in her MS Word document. Three more balls followed in quick succession, and with a sigh, she approached the pane of glass. As expected, a mop of red hair—fashioned into twin braids—and a taunting grin shone up at her.

Anna—for who else could it be but her perky classmate and neighbour?—gave a wave, and though Elsa hadn't checked the time, she knew it must have been late.

Finally, belatedly realising she hadn't given any sort of greeting, Elsa returned the action with one of her own, the movement jerky and short. Her stomach rolled uncomfortably, but she relished the feeling anyway.

She relished anything to do with Anna, and had for as long as she could remember. The mere thought of the girl set off fiery bubbles of warmth in her stomach and turned her normally pallid tone bright red.

Elsa couldn't trust herself around her best friend and she hated herself because of it.

Well... no, that wasn't strictly-speaking true. Elsa hated the power Anna held over her, especially because Anna didn't even realise. She was... oblivious like that. Each and every touch sent molten strings of pleasure through her veins that refused to dissipate for hours, and Elsa knew, when she began gravitating towards Anna, giving her excuses for skin-on-skin contact, that she had to stop. So, she began to back away, slowly so as not to alert the girl. It seemed to work for the most part, and Elsa both cursed and appreciated the girl's obliviousness when it did.

But, no matter her conflicted thoughts in that moment, Elsa knew she couldn't refuse. She had never refused before. Three months of distancing herself and if she was truly unlucky, it was about to go down the drain because of a smile and a midnight visit...

Biting her lip, she glanced over her shoulder. The landing light hadn't crept underneath her door at the noise of the snowballs, and she could still hear her father's light snores from further down the hallway. The inside of her cheek joined her lip, resting between her teeth, and she held up a finger to Anna. The smile was almost impossible to bite back as the girl fist-pumped silently, doing a small victory dance, but Elsa did it. It didn't matter that she had to draw blood in the process; she couldn't be allowed to think such things.

It wasn't so much that she had feelings for her best friend (for Elsa had long since accepted that fact). It was meeting and talking and laughing with her each morning after Elsa hadn't been able to get thoughts of Anna from her head, shame mixing potently with those little bubbles of happiness so all she felt was sick.

Only for it to repeat the next night with her hand stuffed down the front of her trousers, Anna's name in the forefront of her mind and on the tip of her tongue.

Elsa wanted to stay and watch until the redhead was done, her innocent display of fun exactly what the blonde needed to see, but the thought of her parents catching her sneaking out was enough to get her to move. Shevgrabbed her scarf and gloves as quickly as she could, knowing that she probably  _wouldn't_  get into too much trouble—they liked the pubescent red-head just as much as Elsa did (well, not  _quite_ )—but it was still something Elsa didn't want to have to face.

And, Elsa thought, allowing herself the chance for a wry grin as she made her way down the stairs to the front room and snagging her snow boots from their place beside the door, moving also meant she could actually  _be_  in Anna's presence instead of watching from afar. She pushed down every single thought that plagued her about Anna, good or bad, and chose to focus on the fact that she could just  _exist_  with the girl. She could ignore everything else if she tried. Conceal it if she couldn't ignore it.

That, she knew, was a much better motivator.

It wasn't longer than three minutes since the first snowball before Elsa was crunching through the snow towards her freckled neighbour, arms wrapped around her waist in a small hug. Anna jumped excitedly in place, rosy pink nose illuminated by the sputtering streetlight that lit the distance between their two houses. This wasn't a radical occurrence; ever since she was little, Elsa would be dragged from her home in order to play with Anna. It was easy; their mothers had both joined the same play groups, they went to the same primary, and then secondary, schools, and grew up wandering in and out of each other's homes.

Anna had once called Elsa the sister she never had; a bittersweet memory that only served to hurt Elsa further as her mind and body grew resistant to her efforts to just forget her feelings.

"You realise how late it is," Elsa asked as she came to stop beside the fidgeting girl, lifting an eyebrow.

"Pfft," Anna sputtered, still dancing from foot to foot, waving off the blonde with a hand gesture. "You weren't asleep anyway. You never go to sleep before like, 2am anyway."

Elsa glanced at her feet when she realised that Anna was right. She refused to voice the idea that, had she been asleep, she would have come down to meet Anna anyway.

The duo stood in silence for a moment, Elsa her feet and Anna watching Elsa.The blonde kicked around a bit of snow, eyes flicking up to watch Anna and the way the red-head's breath condensed in the air. Her own breath did nothing of the sort, and watching her friend attempt to create breath-rings had always been a source of amusement for both girls.

"You wanna go to the fields?" Anna said after a moment, realising that there was too much silence and Elsa had finally looked at her. "I mean, you don't  _have_  to, and obviously if you weren't sleeping, you were working, and it's probably important, but I figure that it snowed earlier so the fields probably have a really nice layer that we can use and um... yeah..."

Elsa had long since grown used to her friend's rambling—an occupational hazard when it came to spending time around Anna—and she loosed a smile at her.

"Sure."

She should have been expecting the grin that enveloped Anna's face (and, to a point, she was) but she still couldn't help the way she stiffened slightly as Anna leaned forward and grabbed her gloved hand, warmth seeping through the poly-cotton blend almost immediately.

Anna didn't notice. Anna never noticed.

It was the only thing that kept Elsa from wrenching her hand away, if she were honest with herself; that would  _certainly_ catch the red-head's attention. Why put herself in that position?

The walk to the fields was taken mostly in silence, and Elsa was loathe to break it. It was Anna who usually carried on conversation, with the blonde interjecting at appropriate intervals or offering her own opinion when needed. But that was okay—it was just their dynamic, she supposed.

Still, Elsa was finding it hard to focus on anything but the way Anna seemed to have moved even closer, their shoulders in constant contact. The fields were only a short walk away—they were, after all, simply a few different-sized soccer and football ovals that could be used by the community—but the walked seemed longer than ever to Elsa without Anna's voice to distract her. It was... strange.

No, it wasn't strange, it was weird and scary and Elsa didn't like it at all.

"You okay?"

Anna jolted with a start, surprised at being addressed—not that Elsa could really blame her. She didn't often take the initiative with conversation.

"M-me?" Anna stuttered, earning a soft giggle from the taller girl that refused to be bitten back. "Oh, I'm fine! More than fine,  _better_  than fine. I'm fine-tastic- wait, no,  _fantastic_. You know what else is fantastic? Snow. And snowmen, they're so gorgeous. Like you because you had the same colour skin and hair but not the same because you're real and warm and they're not-"

She cut herself off there, forcing her eyes to the floor in embarrassment. Growing to the same shade in the dark sky, her ears were lost in her hair—as were her freckles. Elsa's silent laughter petered out when she noticed Anna biting her lip, for the first time in many,  _many_  years, embarrassed about her rambling.

She didn't know what to make of it, and that awful feeling had begun to surge through her body again at the sight of a blushing Anna. Thankfully, they arrived at the fields not long after, Anna releasing her hand as she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. The whole area had remained untouched since the last snowfall, creating small banks of soft powder. It wasn't perfect snowman building snow—not by a long shot—but that didn't really matter.

Suddenly, Elsa felt something thud into her chest. She glanced down, momentarily surprised to find remnants of a snowball splattered across her front. It hadn't hurt at all, and when Anna tried again, Elsa couldn't help but grin.

She had been right—the snow truly was  _terrible_. Any clump that Anna sent her way separated mid-air, spreading out and generally just rendering the projectile harmless. It was Anna's devastated look that finally sent Elsa over the edge and she began giggling in ernest.

The laughter petered out as Elsa formed a plan, her eyes narrowing as a grin slid from the side of her mouth. As soon as her eyes met Anna's, the disappointed pout on the red-head's face dripped into something more like horror, and suddenly she was running.

Elsa let out a bark of laughter and chased after her, scooping up a handful of snow and flinging it at the red-head. The powder was  _terrible_ , but it was worth it when Anna froze in her spot and began dancing around like a madman.

"Cold! Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold," she chattered, shaking her anorak as best she could to get out the bits of snow that had already begun to melt against her warm skin.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Elsa's laughter died down, and she let out a slow breath. She didn't need any runaway thoughts at the moment. She didn't  _want_  them. They would grow and taint the good times she spent with her friend; at least when they came at home, the shame and disgust was limited to her bedroom.

Shaking her head in a valiant attempt to dislodge the thoughts that were very quickly going beyond the PG-rated confines of her mind, Elsa was completely unaware of Anna slowing her actions, creeping close with her own handful.

To say that coming back to her senses via a very evil-looking fifteen-year-old shoving snow down the front of her shirt would be an understatement. It was tantamount to a declaration of war, and after she had done her own little dance to clear her clothes of snow Elsa had no trouble once again picking up the chase, attempting to return the favour.

It helped, though, that the frigid snow was on par with taking a cold shower, and she was determined to keep a tighter hold on her senses.

They lost track of time, as they always did. The snowball fight gradually dwindled, running and throwing and shrieking in pure delight tiring them out faster due to the late hour. The fight turned into a snowman-building contest, though that was scrapped, as it always was, in favour of building a single snowman to share. It would probably fall apart if pushed by the slightest breeze, but Anna didn't care, and if Anna didn't care, neither did Elsa. Their clothes were slightly damp, and though Elsa wasn't feeling it, she noticed Anna shivering when they finally stopped, sitting beneath a tall spruce tree that flanked the different fields and admiring their handiwork.

"Here," she offered, unwrapping her scarf. Anna's eyes widened and she began to protest, only to be silenced as Elsa shuffled closer, placing the knitted material around her friend's neck. It wasn't until Anna looked up at her, eyes half-lidded, that Elsa realised how close they were.

"B-better?" she stuttered, backing off as quickly as she could while still hoping to maintain some semblance of normalcy. Her face heated up and she could only hope Anna thought it was because of the weather. If Anna noticed the hastened movements, she didn't say anything, instead bringing the end of the scarf up to her cheek to nuzzle into it.

"Much," she replied, smiling softly at Elsa. The blonde gulped softly, letting her hands wrap around her sides in a half-hug that echoed the one she had done earlier. That same sensation in her stomach came back with a vengeance, determined to crawl out of her chest like a facehugger, and when Anna's smile widened a fraction more, revealing a sliver of white enamel, Elsa found it almost impossible to quash down the entirely inappropriate thoughts that sprung up from it.

Elsa suddenly remembered precisely why she had been keeping her distance; her body couldn't cope with so much stress in one day. She'd go home and ignore her homework in favour of defiling every thought she'd ever had, every sweet memory of Anna, and afterwards she'd hate herself for committing such sickening acts, unable to hold back.

Nodding, Elsa skirted away from Anna as subtly as she could, taking deep, measured,  _silent_  breaths in an attempt to get herself under control.

They sat in a silence that, to Elsa, felt as uncomfortable as a lumpy couch. Anna didn't seem to notice, though the blonde noted with a pang that her blind eye seemed to have infected her good ones. Elsa tried vainly to ignore the way Anna seemed drawn to her—the positive to her negative like poles on a magnet, but she couldn't help it when every cell in her body seemed to attune itself to the girl next to her. It was slow and surreptitious at first until suddenly they were bumping shoulders again and Elsa had completely lost her breath. To make matters worse, Anna lay her head down on the blonde's shoulder, letting out a slow yawn that brushed over Elsa's neck and made the girl shiver delightfully.

"Sure you're not cold?" Anna questioned as she felt the movement. Elsa swallowed stiffly, nodding.

"I'm sure," she said, voice barely louder than a whisper.

The silence overtook them once again, just as Anna's hand found Elsa's and began tracing patterns on the back of it. It was such an innocent gesture and yet it still set Elsa's heart ablaze.

"I lied. Earlier," Anna said suddenly, voice soft. She was hesitating, Elsa knew, but she wasn't sure why. She wasn't even sure what Anna  _could_  have lied about. "I'm not fine. I just..." She let out another sigh, thumb rubbing circles over Elsa's gloved hand and successfully distracting the blonde from everything but the Moment.

"It's been so long since we last hung out," she began again. "I wasn't even sure if you'd come down to meet with me tonight."

Elsa let out a small sound in the back of her throat. She knew this already; she hadn't been the best friend the last few months, but... it shouldn't  _really_  matter, should it? Just because Anna had claimed to be Elsa's 'BFF' all those years ago (and really, she never even gave Elsa a say in the matter—not that the blonde could find much fault with it) but that didn't mean she was Anna's best friend. The girl was on the cheer team and had so many other friends. Better friends, even. Friends that were  _normal_  and  _kind_  and friends that didn't get off to the thought of her—them—going so much further than 'friends'.

Elsa found herself incapable of replying. Because she knew that she'd have come down regardless, but if she spoke those words, they'd lose all meaning. Completely empty because she hadn't shown Anna that. Even in class she'd quietened down, avoiding Anna as best she could without outright ignoring her.

She knew she had hurt Anna.

But the girl wasn't holding it against her. It seemed impossible for her to stay mad for too long, and Elsa refused to let herself bite back the guilt that had crept through her chest. She deserved it.

"I'm sorry if I did something wrong..." Anna began, stopping when Elsa's fingers suddenly tightened around her own.

" _No_."

The word was soft, barely a breath of air through her tight lips, but the force behind it was sharp enough to cut through the air, and Anna flinched a little at the strength of it. "It's not your fault at all," Elsa continued, forcing herself to keep talking, to reassure Anna. "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just... busy..."

Anna let out a snort, but with her head still angled on Elsa's shoulder, the blonde wasn't able to see her expression at all. Silence fell again between them, but this time, Elsa wasn't sure it was comfortable. Belatedly, she realised that she hadn't released her grip on Anna's hands, and she all but jerked way when she finally noticed. The movement caused Anna to roll her head to look at Elsa in confusion. Elsa's breath caught in her throat when she realised how close Anna's face was to her own.

"Whatever," Anna said eventually, voice thick. It caught on something, but she angled her head away as she stood up, refusing to face Elsa. An ache settled in Elsa's chest, and she bit the inside of her cheek. Even when trying to protect Anna, she still only managed to hurt her. "It's late," Anna's voice filtered through the cold air, forcing Elsa's thoughts away from introspection. "Let's just go home." Without another word, she began walking away.

"Anna, wait!" Elsa scrambled to her feet and chased after the red-head who hadn't halted at all despite the plea. They had reached the footpath by the time Elsa caught up, Anna still refusing to stop or even face Elsa.

Suddenly, stupidly, Elsa was upset,and without even thinking about it, she reached out, wrapping her willowy fingers around a freckled wrist. The anger dissipated as Anna refused to look at her, and suddenly, Elsa felt very small. Her friend was hurting  _because of her_  and she'd been to caught up feeling bad to worry about it.

"What's wrong, Anna?" she asked softly, swallowing thickly when Anna raised her head and finally turned to face the blonde.

"It doesn't matter," came the reply, even as the light from a lamp highlighted Anna's face, eyes red from something other than the chill wind. Even without it, Elsa knew Anna was lying.

"You're lying to me," she said, tightening her grip slightly. "What's really wrong?"

"I'm lying to you?" Anna repeated, eyes widening before she wrenched her hand from Elsa's grasp. "You're  _hiding_ something from me!"

The sudden outburst was met with complete silence. Elsa's mouth was open a fraction, her hands falling to hug herself at the waist. Anna's lips darted out to wet her lips, and Elsa was powerless to stop her eyes from being drawn to the action, unconsciously mimicking the action.

"Elsa, we were so close," Anna began again, and Elsa could hear the way she forced the words out around a lump in her throat. "We used to be...  _buddies_. Friends. We used to tell each other everything and now you're hiding something from me. What did I do to you to make you not want to share something important with me?"

She was begging—pleading—but it fell on deaf ears because Elsa  _couldn't_  tell her. It wasn't an option. It was better to have Anna angry at her than hating her, and that was precisely what would happen.

How could she tell the girl who had called her a sister that she was having decidedly un-sisterly thoughts about the two of them, together, doing decidedly un-sisterly things? She couldn't, and so the question was again met with stony silence even as Elsa shut her mouth and began chewing on her bottom lip.

"You want to know what's wrong?" Anna said again after several heartbeats, sniffling. "I'm tired. I'm tired of you keeping secrets because... because you don't think I can keep them or take them or whatever. You're my  _best friend_ , Els."

She took a breath as she looked up, making sure that their eyes met before she continued. "You know everything about me but I can't know what's bothering you?" The final few words were said so softly, so warmly and gently, that Elsa couldn't help but crumble, tearing her eyes away from Anna's because she knew she'd never see the same feelings echoed there.

Looking away, Elsa didn't notice when Anna stepped forward, approaching Elsa until their chests almost touched. "Elsa," she said, taking the blonde's gloved hand in her own, "I don't know what you think I'm going to do, but I won't do it- unless it's good. I'll do it if it's good, but otherwise- Elsa, we can work whatever it is out together, and I'll be right here to help."

Elsa's bottom lip quivered for a moment, her hands clenching around Anna's. Her jaw tightened, but before she could do anything—step forward or back, fight or flight—Anna had enveloped her in a tight hug and all Elsa wanted to do was cry. She wasn't thinking of their touching chests, smushed together by the force of Anna's hug. She wasn't thinking of the way the other girl seemed to use her entire body for the hug—even her head joining the fight as it nestled next to Elsa's.

"I don't- I don't want you to hate me," Elsa whispered against Anna's jumper, bringing her hands up to rest softly on the red-head's back. Anna had begun to rub circles into her back, the pressure soothing her.

"I could never hate you, Elsa," Anna replied. "I love you."

And that was probably what hurt Elsa the most. She let out a small snort, nose still buried in the crook of Anna's neck. The closeness had leant her confidence but lulled her with security—false, she knew, but she only truly realised afterwards. "Yeah, like a  _sister_."

Anna's hand stilled its movements, and it took Elsa a few moments to realise why. Because, she had spoken aloud. And not only had Anna heard her, but she had heard the meaning behind it; the disdain  _drowning_  the final word.

Horrified, Elsa wrenched herself away, body shaking as wide eyes aligned with Anna's. The red-head's mouth was hanging open and she seemed at a loss. Elsa had no idea what was going through her mind but it didn't matter.

She didn't say anything as she backed off even further, seeing the truth written in the red-head's teal orbs.

She didn't stop running even as she heard Anna calling after her; it was only when she was safely entombed in her blankets, front door bolted and curtains shut tight, that she let herself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been almost completely rewritten and I managed to almost double the size of the first chapter. I wanted to write fluffy smut and, obviously, it didn't work. However, the next chapter will definitely be happier. And yes, I realise how common these types of stories are but whatever. This was also done, in part, to push me over the NaNoWriMo 50k mark (which it did). No idea when I'll write the next bit because I'm currently working on the next chapter of ' _Tiny Hearts_ ', plus part 2 of ' _Språket_ '. Just... this will be finished, and will hopefully include smut at one point. We'll see.
> 
> Also, I've only seen snow once in my entire life and that was a very long time ago. And only for about 4 hours. I'm sorry if I got snow wrong o.o


	2. part the second | sheets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to finish the next chapter of Tiny Hearts but this story was calling to me. It's also going to be longer than the original two-chapters. Enjoy!

Elsa refused to see Anna at all over the next two weeks. She went out of her way to avoid the red-head at all costs, making sure to get to school early so she could hide in the back of the room and leave late, spending a good hour in the library when the day was done until she was kicked out.

And, the worst part was... it was easy.

Anna didn't approach her. She didn't send furtive looks, or tentative text messages. Elsa wondered if she even had a right to be upset about it when she knew this was what would happen. She knew the girl wouldn't want to be her friend anymore because how could they even think about going back to the easy friendship of before? There would always be that lingering memory, the admission. The fact that they weren't  _sisters_ , in any sense of that word, because  _Elsa_  had thrown that away.

She had, and still was, throwing that away, because she herself didn't change. If she could only... get rid of these feelings, they could be friends again. But no matter how she refused her mind, prohibited it from thinking of Anna during the day, she had no control over her dreams.

They woke Elsa up in the middle of the night, head still streaming with images of Anna's eyes half-lidded and shining with the same arousal Elsa knew was in her own. She would lean close, their bodies pressed flush against each other as she marked Elsa and let herself be marked.

But, in all those dreams, she never once smiled at Elsa. Even as she ground down on Anna's thigh, not an ounce of space between them, the red-head was but a doll. A doll with warmth and breath and a heartbeat but still unmoving and unfeeling to Elsa's plight.

So, not only did Elsa have to contend with the shame and guilt that threatened to consume her upon waking, she now had to deal with the grief that Anna would never let herself be hugged by the blonde again, would never forgive her or even  _want_  to see her if Elsa tried. She couldn't bear the rejection.

They only had another week of school before the holidays, and Elsa was both thankful for and dreading the break. It meant that she could stay in her room—not have to see the girl—but she knew that come Christmas day, there would be no escaping her. She just had to survive until then, and she had every intention of trying to survive afterwards, too—if she were able to pick up the pieces that would undoubtedly be left of her heart.

As per the norm, though, Anna had other plans, and it was the Thursday night before the break that Elsa was finally faced with them.

It was late—her parents had retired hours ago—and yet Elsa had been unable to find any sort of respite. Christmas was looming and her nights were slowly getting shorter and shorter as she fought to think up an excuse to stay in her room that would fly with her parents. Her poetry essay was due the next day and yet despite the long hours she had put into it, she still didn't understand it at all. It worked as a temporary distraction, nothing more.

Because through it all, there was a dull throb between her legs that refused to be sated, no matter how often or long she tended to it.

Elsa tried to ignore it, surprised at her own success. Sometimes, she just imagined building a snowman with Anna; heir friendship before she fucked everything up. She realised, in those moments, with a clarity far superseding what she wanted, that it wasn't Anna's body or warmth she wanted; it was her smile. It was her laugh and hugs and her spirit.

It wasn't Anna's body, and that made it so,  _so_  much worse.

Still, with a little thought and definitely some distractions, Elsa was able to ignore the urges. Once, when it became too much, she'd tried thinking of other things; it had worked fine until she came, the thoughts and images of celebrity crushes and other bodies pressed against her disappearing as she hummed Anna's name into the darkness, hips rolling to a nameless tune as she clenched sporadically around herself.

She didn't try that again, the knowledge that there was no way of stopping Anna from infecting her thoughts perhaps more disheartening than anything else that had happened.

How could she get over the girl?

Thus, she forced herself into her schoolwork, the end of semester exams filling up her head. A math test and the stupid report on  _The Hollow Men_ , due just before the holidays; good, in some regards, but no one wanted to be stuck at school with their impending break so close.

She was reading over the poem for the umpteenth time, trying to make sense of the third stanza, when a snowball shattered against her window. Aside from jerking her out of what little concentration she had, it was easily ignored—as were the five, seven, twelve snowballs that followed. Her phone lit up with a buzz, displaying Anna's name (and the little heart that Elsa hadn't been able to convince herself to remove). It made the blonde sick, and she threw the offending item in her sock draw, the light and vibrations disappearing from the room.

The suddenly silence was unnerving, until it was broken by something else smashing against the window. Elsa looked up in time to see half a hydrangea bush colliding with her window before falling to the icy ground below.

She realised too late that she had appeared at the window, in full sight of Anna, to watch the plant fall. The red-head glared up at her—there was no gleeful dance or smile. Her eyes were hard as they stared into Elsa's, and she held her phone up. The blonde swallowed thickly, knowing what Anna wanted. Giving a tilt of her head in acknowledgement, Elsa disappeared from the window to collect her phone.

She could have sobbed, whether fear or pure relief, at Anna's voice. She wasn't prepared for the words the red-head spouted, though.

"Get your ass down here now, Elsa."

Anna hung up not a second later, and Elsa  _knew_  that she would stay outside all night if she had to until the blonde made an appearance.

She buried her head her hands, not prepared to see Anna.

_Why_  couldn't she have just kept her big, fat mouth shut? She didn't have to say anything! They could be how they were if only she hadn't voiced that thought.

Because Elsa knew that Anna just... made life better. It didn't matter what  _she_  was to the red-head, as long as Anna was still in her life.

She didn't notice when she began quivering, shaking violently as she sunk onto her desk chair. Her phone lit up again with a message that Elsa didn't need to read to know what it contained, and she quickly brushed away the water that had collected at the corners of her eyes.

It took a lot longer to get her things together that time, a mix of unwillingness and fatigue slowing down her movements. She had no idea what Anna would say, but she wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

Finally, she was striding weakly across the frost-covered lawn, head bent low and gloved hands shoved deep into her pockets. Anna was waiting near the gaudy Santa and reindeer display that Elsa's parents had set up earlier that week, tapping her foot impatiently. She had been leaning on one of the reindeer, but straightened as she noticed Elsa's approach.

Elsa stopped a good five yards away, watching Anna warily from the corner of her eye, though her head was still facing the ground. The other girl gave nothing away, whether she was going through the same internal crisis as the blonde. Elsa wanted to run and greet Anna, pull her into a hug and never let go...

... but she didn't want her to run away, and that was seeming more and more likely to Elsa's stressed mind.

"Hey," she instead murmured to the snow, licking her lips as she finally got close enough to be heard.

"H-hey  _me_?" Anna repeated, incredulous. Elsa's eyes flickered upwards to Anna's face to find the same tone echoed in her eyes. "Fuck, Elsa," she cried. "It's been fucking  _two weeks_  and all I get is a 'hey'? I gave you our space. I gave you time to sort out whatever shit is going through your head and all I get is a 'hey'?"

Elsa visibly flinched—she didn't see Anna's expression soften as she looked away again, unable to meet the red-head's gaze any longer.

Elsa began chewing on her bottom lip, and she hunched her shoulders even more as she tried to make herself smaller. She was taller than Anna, and older by six months or so, but Anna had a way of making her feel younger, smaller. It had never been a bad thing before. It had been... nice, with Anna. Not worrying about schoolwork, getting up to mischief. Acting like a kid again.

And Elsa had lost that. She knew she had.

The silence had settled between them again, and this time, no one made a move to break it. Elsa felt herself being scrutinised, but she couldn't work up the courage to look at Anna.

She wanted to cry.

"What did I ever do to you?" Anna asked quietly. Her voice cut through the still air regardless, and Elsa was reminded that it was after midnight. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"Stop, Anna."

Elsa's voice was horribly small and weak, and Anna ignored her easily. The blonde felt sick, and she knew just how pathetic it was that a single hug from Anna could cure it. Anna could make her feel better no matter what, and yet here they were, Elsa doing everything to not face this rejection and Anna still handing it out anyway. Couldn't she see that Elsa had left her alone to save what little friendship they had left?

"No! Why are you shutting me out?" The blonde shook her head at the words, but it only seemed to infuriate Anna more.

"Elsa-!"

"Enough, Anna!"

Elsa's gaze was still centred on the floor–she had completely failed to notice Anna's hands, clenched into fists at her sides, trembling. She didn't see the tears that finally dripped to the ground until Anna marched forward and, without preamble, shoved Elsa back.

"Stop it! Stop  _lying_  to me!"

Elsa scrambled to her feet, walking backwards as Anna stepped forward. The aim was to put distance between them, but both knew that Elsa's heart wasn't truly trying to get away; her movements were too small, too hesitant.

And then whatever distance between them was gone as Anna took a step too close and Elsa didn't step back far enough, and suddenly she couldn't move anyway because Anna was  _right there_. Impossibly close but, to the blonde, not close enough.

It was a knife in her heart and she almost fell to her knees, the organ bleeding more pain and hurt and disgust.

Elsa didn't realise when Anna pushed her back further until she was resting up against the side of her house. Her hair stuck to the clay bricks that pressed against her jumper but she barely noticed because Anna hadn't broken eye contact once, and Elsa could't bring herself to do it first. She felt weak and lightheaded and barely heard it when Anna whispered her name.

She was too enamoured with those pink lips, looking so soft and warm and silken.

Elsa started when Anna's hands gently wrapped around her wrists, and she jerked her gaze away from her friend's face. She could imagine the disappointment in Anna's eyes as she once again failed to completely hide her feelings away. Everything was so fucked up.

But when Anna tightened her grip, Elsa's first reaction was to glance up, and when she met those teal orbs, she found she couldn't look away. Her breath caught in her through, and with so many failures to keep her emotions in check, Elsa could  _feel_  the way her mental dam was cracking. She needed to get out of there. She needed a cold shower and she needed to try to forget everything because living like this was too painful.

But she still couldn't tear her eyes away.

Elsa was barely away of the distance between them—if it could even be called as such. She had nowhere else to back up to, but Anna had kept coming. There was no space between them now, and Elsa couldn't hold back the tremble as she felt Anna's chest meet hers, nor the tear that feel soon after because who  _does_  that? Who has thoughts like that?

She felt one of Anna's hands loosen its grip on her wrist, and she was barely able to bring up the freed limb in time to stop Anna from... doing whatever she had planned. The red-head's hand was caught in Elsa's, hovering in the space between them, and it dawned on the blonde that Anna had reached out to... to wipe away the tear that had begun making its way down her face.

"D-Don't," she breathed, voice scratchy.  _Gods_  Anna was so close. It was like Elsa was suddenly aware of  _everything_ ; the stillness of the air, the warmth of Anna pressing against her that only fuelled the volcanic samba taking place in her stomach, heat spreading nowhere but down to just pool below her navel.

"Why?" the red-head challenged. Without any warning, she dragged Elsa's other hand up and next to her head. The rough brick grazed along the skin but it was nothing more than a minor flesh wound—it probably wasn't even bleeding.

It wasn't enough to curb the desire that had sunk its teeth into Elsa's body, making the blonde terrified to move because that would cause friction, and that would destroy the little hold she had left over herself.

And then, Anna leaned closer.

Elsa gave it her best shot, trying to to show how it affected her, but the way Anna's eyes flickered down between them, she knew she failed immensely. Anna's eyes widened, but it wasn't in the shock or disgust Elsa had imagined. There was a light dancing around her irises that seemed so familiar, and it was only when Anna used her trapped hand, and the hand holding Elsa's, to flip them that the blonde realised why.

Because suddenly it was  _Anna_  pressed up against the wall, pulling Elsa close.

"Why?" she repeated, voice softer but still no less challenging. Elsa's mind was shouting,  _screaming_  at her to get out, but a whisper of a breath from Anna drowned out that cry, and suddenly, Elsa couldn't think at all. Everything she had ever wanted was right in front of her

Anna's eyes were so  _open_. So warm and inviting. Elsa could get lost in them forever, and she wasn't even aware of herself leaning in until Anna's eyes shut, and by then, it was too late to do anything.

Elsa's own eyes swiftly followed suit because she couldn't do anything but but drink in the heat and sensation of  _Anna_  as their lips pressed together in a chaste peck, lingering together as Anna's hands cupped her face and Elsa's slipped down to nestle at the red-head's waist.

Her lips tasted like cherries, and Elsa couldn't help but draw the bottom one into her mouth as she moved, deepening the contact ever-so-slightly. Her stomach was ablaze, the sensation dripping into her core and setting her entire body alight as she filled her senses with Anna's aroma and taste, and the feel of her skin, silken beneath the pink tinge and freckles.

Anna made a soft, muffled noise that Elsa had no idea how to take, and suddenly there was distance between them as Elsa flung herself back, arms coming to wrap around herself and a lump in her throat that stifled any attempt to breath, let alone talk. Her face was hot from Anna's hands, but her chest was cold and empty. It was probably only the burning at her centre that prevented hypothermia.

The silence was deadly; Elsa didn't know when she began to shake, but once she started, she couldn't stop.

"Elsa..." Anna began softly, reaching out a hand. Her eyes were wide again, the playfulness gone. Elsa had no idea what to do, or what had happened. How?

She shook her head, taking a step back. When finally she turned her face up to her friend, it was impossible for Anna to see anything but the wetness that had run over her pink cheeks and the way her eyes seemed so deep, and so lost.

"Oh, God," Elsa breathed, choking thickly. "I-I'm sorry," she whispered, shuddering slightly with the force of a suppressed sob. She took another step back, but she didn't make it far when once again, she found herself pressed up against Anna.

The other girl had leapt forward, wrapping Elsa in a strong hug—the kind of one that she was given as a child when her goldfish died, or after her first day of school and a mean boy had teased her pale skin and even paler hair.

It was the kind of hug that was so tight it stung, but it was perfect all the same because it wasn't just Elsa trying to hold herself together; Anna was their to keep her from falling apart. It was the kind of hug that said she cared, that anchored Elsa to the world before she lost herself completely. Without even meaning to, she found herself responding, leaning into it as her hands reached up, desperate, pulling Anna even closer as though it might stave off the pressure building behind her eyes.

It didn't work. Not when Elsa had been trying  _so_  hard for  _so_  long to be strong. To her credit, Anna didn't react when the dam broke and Elsa was nothing more than a quivering messing, sobbing unconsolably, brokenly, on her shoulder. Anna's hand reached up and began slowly petting the back of the blonde's head as she made gentle cooing noises, offering small words of comfort.

"Shh, it's okay, Elsa," Anna whispered. "Don't be sorry. It's okay."

There was something decidedly wrong with the whole situation. Even through the broken sobs Elsa could feel the bite of arousal, still lapping through her like a shallow stream.

"I'm such a fuck up," she choked, holding Anna ever tighter. To her shock, the girl let out a small laugh.

"Because you kissed me?" she asked, pulling Elsa's face up so they could make eye contact. The small smile she had on her face fell when Elsa flinched. Anna pursed her lips before leaning forward.

This kiss was over before it even registered to Elsa, and she looked to the red-head, face slack. Anna was smiling again, showing flashes of bright enamel.

"Now we're even," she said, pulling Elsa into a tight hug again. "You're still my best friend, Elsa. I'll always be here for you because I love you and nothing can ever change that, okay?"

Elsa didn't answer, and they stood there in silence, embracing, until the chill seeped through their clothes. Anna had no idea how Elsa wasn't shaking in the cold. They finally parted, Elsa wiping furiously at her face.

Elsa felt like she should say something, but the words kept dying in her throat. She didn't want to spoil the moment. She wasn't even sure that she  _could_  say something intelligible, not with the burning between her legs that refused to die down, even in the freezing snow, and the memories— _plural_ —of kissing and being kissed by Anna.

"I still have your scarf," Anna said suddenly, breaking the silence that had begun to creep on the side of awkward. "I'll uh, return it on um... Christmas?" she offered, smiling. Elsa nodded at her, still staring dumbly. Her hands were back at her waist, and it occurred to Anna that her friend was going through some kind of shock. Without really thinking about it, she leaned forward one more time, placing her lips on Elsa's cold cheek, just as they used to do as children. "I'll see you later," she said, never letting the soft smile fall from her face.

Without another word, she turned and stumbled through the snow to her own house, leaving Elsa standing in the middle of her yard. It took a few moments for the blonde to compose herself—to pick herself up and move back to her own room. She left snowy footprints through the house that her parents would definitely question the next day, but when her heart refused to slow down the foxtrot it had begun dancing and the heat bubbled joyously in her abdomen, she couldn't find a care to give. Who cared about snow when she had just kissed Anna? And Anna had just kissed her back!

For the first time in so many weeks, Elsa found herself giggling, for no reason at all except she felt like it. She felt  _happy_. Ripping off the heavy winter coat, she all but jumped onto her bed in delight. She felt five again, not fifteen, and there was nothing in the world that could drag her down from her emotional high.

Lying there, though, she became intensely aware of the burning between her legs, of how long it had sat there, untended, until it was a wildfire raging out of control.

Elsa let her hands wander up and underneath her shirt, imagining, not for the first time, that it was Anna touching her, marking her. The guilt and shame that usually accompanied her explorations never came, and this was almost a bigger relief than the actual act.

Her mind was allowing her to pleasure herself while dragging up every memory she'd ever had of Anna, untainted and blissful.

Elsa was hardly paying attention, letting her hands wander where they may as her mind zeroed in on Anna, flaming hair and milky teeth that were  _smiling_  as she looked down at Elsa, the blonde prostrate beneath her. Her blinds were half-shut, even in her mind's eye, and Elsa could see the rays of light from the fluorescent street-lamps falling across Anna, illuminating the side of her breasts and the peaks of her nipples, reaching out for attention. Anna smiled again, biting a gorgeous lip as she leaned forward, bringing their chests together to touch.

Elsa let out a strangled choke, caught between staying silent and not waking up her parents, and releasing  _something_. It was warm and nameless, building in her chest and at her centre until she could barely breath, gasping in time with the gentle gyrations of her hips as her fingers dragged up and down in quick, precise movements.

It didn't take long for the actions to become ever more fervent, and she hissed Anna's name to the darkened room, recalling the sweet flavour of cherries and soft expanse of freckled skin. A few more seconds had Elsa tumbling over the precipice of pleasure, and she cinched her eyes shut further.

For a second, she felt Anna's lips on hers again, and she smiled. Her hips jerked every few seconds or so, calming down slowly as she wiped her hand on the sheet. Elsa didn't bother cleaning up further; everything else could wait. Body satiated, her mind was calling her to sleep, and with a smile that hadn't dropped and pleasant memories— _memories_ —filling up her head, she was happy to heed it, dropping her head to her pillow and nuzzling in deeply.

She was... happy. Anna had made her happier than she could remember feeling in a long time, and she let the feeling fill her up as she slowly nodded off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... if it wasn't obvious, I've never really written any type of smut. I sent Emirael an ask on tumblr about masturbation and I think she helped, but really, any pointers is awesome because yeah...  
> also, I post updates about my story-writing and stuff, so if you're curious about upcoming things (or chapters about things) I tend to keep people in the loop there (also, you can ask me things/request stories. all that jazz). You can find it [here](http://fruipit.tumblr.com). Anyway, thanks for reading!


	3. part the third | gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa has been absolutely ecstatic at the thought of seeing Anna at Christmas. With a present from the heart, she can't wait to see what she gets in return. They have, after all, already kissed. Twice!

Christmas couldn't come fast enough. Anna had her annual pilgrimage upstate to visit family, and so the entire week before the 25th, her house was empty. The Christmas lights from her own home blinked blearily, reminding Elsa of the late hour as she paced through the snow on her lawn.

There was no reason for her to be outside at this hour—it wasn't like she was meeting Anna at all—but she had been unable to ignore the temptation. It was becoming a nightly thing, and would probably continue until Anna returned. It was just... nice, being reminded of the redhead.

It also gave her a chance to think. The air was crisp, and though it was a little chilly, Elsa wasn't cold. She moved over to the old swing in the corner of the garden—still regularly trimmed by her father, but forgotten over time. She remembered pushing Anna too hard once and the girl tipping forward, breaking her left arm. Elsa refused to go near the swing for months after, even though Anna hadn't cared. Elsa still had a photograph of the two of them, 8-year-old Anna holding her signed cast up to the camera in glee, pulling the blonde close and grinning madly.

Elsa wondered if Anna had any photographs of that time.

Eyes lighting up in sudden epiphany, she stood up from the swing and made her way back inside. She knew what she was going to get Anna, but she didn't have a lot of time.

She couldn't wait to get started.

* * *

Christmas Day was just as uneventful as every other Christmas Elsa had ever participated in. It would have felt like it, too, if her heart wasn't beating a samba from the moment she awoke and if she didn't feel like she would randomly puke at any given moment.

Her present to Anna was resting below the Christmas tree, and she couldn't stop a small, almost giddy, smile from appearing. The other girl would  _love_  it. She had no doubts about that.

Though, as excited as Anna would be to open it, Elsa wasn't really fond of everyone else knowing how much effort she had put into a single present for her best friend. Which, admittedly, wasn't anything strange, but if Anna was to open it in front of everyone, she'd be stuck in a potentially awkward situation of explaining it.

Elsa wasn't particularly fond of coming out to her—and Anna's—family over Christmas dinner. She wasn't even sure what Anna thought about the whole thing, though she'd definitely know by the end of the night. She could already envision the red-head's expression when she tore open the wrapping to reveal the photograph of the two of them, grinning in the snow, surrounded by a white frame decorated with painstakingly tiny snowflakes.

If the giant "To Anna, Love, Your Elsa" wasn't enough to state her intentions, she didn't know what was.

"Elsa! Time to go!"

Elsa stood up from her seat at the bottom of the stairs and, pausing only long enough to scoop Anna's present into her hands, made her way outside. The benefits of being neighbours with your best friend included  _being neighbours with your best friend_ , but also the fact that they could walk over there instead of braving the slippery snow while driving. Elsa watched her parents pull their coats a little tighter around themselves, and put it down to the warm in her cheeks at the prospect of seeing Anna that kept her immune to the chill.

If her parents noticed the slight bounce in her step or the way she fought down a grin, they didn't say anything.

Even the wait on Anna's doorstop seemed to last a lifetime. A week without her best friend had been a week too long, and if Elsa were to be completely honest with herself, she wasn't sure how she would go if it happened again.

That thought was roughly forced from her mind as the door opened, revealing a smiling Anna.

"Hey!" she cried, stepping back to let Elsa and her family through. Now it was impossible for Elsa to keep the smile from her face, and she bit her lip to try and suppress it a little. Her parents made their way through to the dining room, urged on by the sound of Anna's mother clattering about. It didn't sink in that she was alone with Anna until the red-head pulled her in for a hug.

"Merry Christmas!" she said, slightly too loud considering her mouth was right next to Elsa's ear.

The blond responded with a breathy, "Yeah, Anna, Happy Christmas," swallowing thickly and fighting down the blush that threatened to consume her features. "Here."

She held out to Anna the wrapped gift, but had to pull it away when the girl grabbed it and began opening it.

"No!" she cried out. Anna's eyes widened, confused, before Elsa gave her a sheepish smile and said, "I just, I want you to open it later. In private."

A glimmer of understanding shone in Anna's eyes, and she smiled and nodded. "Sure, okay. Uh, wait here. I'll put it in my room."

She stepped away and practically ran up the stairs, her thumping footsteps echoing through the house. Elsa puffed out a short breath, arms coming to wrap around her middle. Now what? Would Anna- would Anna  _do_  anything? They were always fairly close but would their parents notice a difference (well, more than they have already. Elsa wold be a fool to think her parents didn't notice  _something_  was different about her). Would Anna pipe up when the topic inevitably turned to dating (as it had the last couple of years), look at Elsa, and say that she had found someone?

Elsa knew that if she were asked, she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret, and the thought of maybe kissing Anna again sent a pleasant tingle down her spine. She had to bite her lip again just to prevent herself from getting carried off in a daydream.

Thankfully, though, Anna returned not long afterward, holding a scarf and a wrapped box.

"Here," she said, grinning. "But if I have to wait, you have to wait." Elsa nodded softly, dare she say it,  _shyly_  at Anna.

There were a few moments of silence where Elsa couldn't meet Anna's eyes and Anna had no idea what was going through her blonde-haired friend's mind. Elsa's eyes flickered up to Anna's momentarily before meeting the floor again, and she opened her mouth. She had no idea what she was going to say, and was saved an awkward moment by Anna's mother calling them into the dining room. She didn't react to the intrusion, at all, her entire focus being on the girl in front of her. Anna cocked her head to the side and raised an eyebrow. She said Elsa's name and fuck if that didn't go right through the blonde.

When she didn't answer, Anna shot her a cheeky grin and wrapped an arm around Elsa's, tugging her toward the dining room.

"Come on, my Mom made chocolate rum balls for after lunch. And I helped with the potato salad!"

Soon, everyone was seated at the six-person table, Elsa and Anna on one side, Elsa's parents on the other, and Anna's at the foot and head of the table. The food was dished out (Elsa asking for a little extra potato salad just to see the smile on Anna's face) and some of the chicken breast that must have been cooking for most of the morning.

She was content to ignore the voices around her, focusing on her food and Anna's presence taking up far more important space in her head. Anna's hand was lying innocuously on the table and she had to fight down every urge to grasp it; to intertwine her slender fingers with freckled ones. If anyone said a word to her all lunch, she didn't hear them. She only had eyes (and ears) for Anna, and she couldn't even find it in herself to feel somewhat humbled or ashamed by that fact.

All too soon, it seemed, the lunch was over, and Anna was moving away. She hadn't stopped smiling once since Elsa had arrived.

Anna's mother was the first to break through the haze that had settled in Elsa's head, but even then the words were jumbled; they didn't make sense to her (not that it mattered, anyway). "Anna, dear, it's almost 2 o'clock. Did you want to set up in the lounge room where there's more space?"

Immediately, Elsa's heart did a flip because the idea of  _Anna_  and  _couch_  set off some delicious mental images that absolutely should not be thought on Christmas day surrounded by family. She couldn't quite force down the grin that emerged, and as she followed her parents into the sitting room, Anna nudged her.

"What're you grinning about?" she asked. Elsa clapped a hand over her mouth and shook her head.

"I'll... tell you later," she ended up answering with. Anna gave a mock scowl and pushed Elsa onto the couch.

"Stay here, loser," she said. Leaning in, she whispered in Elsa's ear, breath sending delightful tingles down the blonde's neck, "Don't tell Mom but I put in a bit of extra rum." Elsa gave a goofy grin and stared openly as Anna flounced towards the kitchen. A cough from her father brought her attention back into the living room, and the way they were looking at her (pointedly) made her face heat up in an extreme blush.

"I, uh," she began, when suddenly a dinging sound echoed through the house.

There was an, "Anna!" and, a few seconds after that, a, "Got it!". Anna's parents entered the living room, laden down with decorative plates of rum balls, stained-glass biscuits, and eggnog as Elsa heard the front door open and shut. There was a low murmur and a giggle that had her on red-alert, but she forced that away. It was probably just a cousin or something. Maybe the neighbour. Who comes  _after_  the Christmas lunch has already been served?

Shaking her head, Elsa grabbed a handful of rum balls, shoving them into her mouth. How Anna expected to get away with adding extra alcohol to them was beyond her because they tasted like a mixture of chocolate-coconut and chlorine to Elsa.

She was almost grateful to be stuck choking them down as Anna entered the living room, a young man with a huge chin and even huger sideburns following closely behind her. That way, she had an excuse to be coughing, unable to swallow. She could lie and say that it wasn't the way his hand was on Anna's lower back, or the way a red tint had risen to her features—a tint Elsa had never seen before. She could lie and say that it wasn't the way she looked at him, or the way she said his name:  _Hans_ , like he was a prince and she a princess.

She could lie and say that it wasn't the way she introduced him as her boyfriend, but in the end, she knew that she was lying.

Both Hans and Anna gave her a strange look as her father rubbed her back, finally able to swallow properly. Even surrounded by other people, she felt like a third wheel. Unwanted. Unneeded.

She had built up an entire world around Anna in her head and had been made the believe it could come true. That she could have the fairytale ending. Instead, the harsh reality that her best friend would never be more than that sat not three metres away, publicly displaying affection.

Elsa wanted to be sick. She wanted to run away and cry. She couldn't look at Anna. Couldn't look at her hands that, only a half-hour prior, she had dreamed of holding. Couldn't look at her arms without remembering all the soft hugs they shared.

She couldn't look at Anna's  _freckles_  without imagining kissing each and every one of them.

She wondered if this was what heartbreak truly felt like. The chill that ran up the back of her arms and infected her heart, making it feel like a clawed hand had it in its grasp, slowly squeezing the life out of it. Her chest felt empty and cold, but her eyes were warm, the pressure there telling her, needlessly, of the tears that were piling up.

Suddenly, she felt her father clap his hand on her shoulder, jolting her. Some of the pain vanished, and she was able to look at him, questioning. It wasn't he who spoke, though. Anna's mother offered her another rum ball—a single one—and asked, "So, Elsa. Have you got a boyfriend, too?"

Elsa's eyes flicked to Anna before moving away just as fast. The red-head was- how could anyone smile at a time like this? They- they  _kissed_! Did that mean nothing to Anna?

The sad truth was that it didn't, a truth Elsa didn't want to face. She had no control over her words as she replied, looking Anna's mother in the eyes because it was as close to the girl who had just brought down her world as she could get, "I'm a lesbian."

Her eyes fell to her hands, resting in her lap, in the ensuing silence. It was almost palpable, and Elsa felt like she could lose herself in it. The horror at coming out to her parents (and Anna's parents. And Anna's boyf- ...Anna's boyfriend...) would come later, probably. Even as Hans (and she was biased and angry but Elsa thought his name sounded oily and seedy anyway) gave a snigger that was quickly covered up by a coughing fit when Anna slapped him. Elsa wondered for a moment how the red-head was feeling, but she couldn't bring herself to look away from her hands.

Out of everything that had happened, she found this one the easiest to deal with.

"Oh," Anna's mother said instead, giving a light cough. "Any- any girls you're interested in? Got a girlfriend at all?"

Elsa, at any other time, could have chuckled. Compared to how she was feeling now, she  _would_  have chuckled. She tried to laugh at it, truly she did—what was the point of Christmas if she was just going to bring down everyone's mood?—but failed miserably as it turned into a choked sob. She needed to get out of there. Away from the looks and the heat and _Anna_. She wouldn't let Anna see her like this!

But she had to act  _now_  because she could already see Anna standing up from the corner of her eye, moving forward to, what? Offer comfort? Support? An apology? Elsa didn't want any of them.

Jumping to her own feet, she clenched her fists to refrain from wiping at her eyes. That would just make it worse.

Instead, she looked right at Anna, who had paused half-way out of her seat, Hans' despicable hands still clasped on Anna's hip, fingers digging into her jeans. Elsa wanted to collapse then and their, but she help on, taking a thick swallow.

"I don't," she said softly, eyes never leaving Anna's. "I thought I did. I thought I found someone."

She didn't need to say anymore. The colour draining from Anna's face was more than enough proof. Everything—every pleasant thought Elsa had  _ever_  had about the two of them—was dashed, tainted with the knowledge that even after kissing, Anna had been too  _fucking_  oblivious to notice Elsa. To notice her feelings.

And now she was happy with someone else. Someone... who wasn't Elsa.

Without another word, the blonde left the living room, pausing only long enough to collect her scarf from the dining room and making her way out the door and to her own house.

Anna's present to her was left, abandoned at her seat.

She had only wanted Anna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter should hopefully be up within a week! Thanks to everyone for your support :)


	4. part the fourth | fireworks

"We'll be back some time after midnight, okay, honey?"

Elsa offered a short grunt of acknowledgement, eyes focussed on the television, but otherwise didn't do anything. She knew her parents were sending her furtive glances, but she couldn't bring herself to face them.

"Sure you don't want to come? There'll be plenty of kids there, too..."

"I'm sure, Mom," came the disinterested reply. And truthfully, she was. What better way to spend New Years by herself, waiting for the ball to drop, than home alone? She had no interest in going out and trying to act happy why she was still sobbing inside. "Go have fun. I'll order a pizza or something..."  _And ruin some other soul's night because who the fuck wants to work on New Years?_

She heard her mother give a quiet hum, but then her father was shepherding the woman out the door.

"Have fun, kiddo," he called. Elsa gave a half-hearted wave before she returned her attention to the TV.

She almost expected him to tell her to invite a friend over—it's what they usually did—and it took her several moments to realise that they had actually left.

Good. That was good. Wasn't it? She  _wanted_  to be alone. She wanted to break out her giant block of chocolate and not have to share it. It would be so much easier to eat without Anna stealing it. She could put  _Love Actually_  on and actually immerse herself in the film because Anna wouldn't be chirping the lines next to her.

It wasn't like the red-head even wanted to do those things anymore. Not after that lunch. And it still hurt because hadn't Anna said she loved Elsa anyway? That they'd be friends no matter what? Anna hadn't tried to contact her once. Elsa had watched from her window earlier as Hans, with his douchey hair and douchey car, rocked up to Anna's, taking her away even further from Elsa. She hadn't even been able to pretend she wasn't watching when Anna glanced up and their eyes met.

There was so much guilt and regret and confusion behind those eyes. It made Elsa sick. She couldn't do anything with those emotions. They only made everything worse because it just proved that Anna didn't feel the same way.

That they were going to let this come between them, just as Elsa always knew it would.

Shaking her head, she forced those thoughts away. If everything was going to remind her of Anna, she was going to do her best not to dwell on them. Address and move on.

And, for the next few hours, it worked. Every single sad moment—or the mere  _thought_  of one—set Elsa off again, but at least she could pretend it was the film and not the fact that she was facing the new year alone. That she was  _starting_  the new year alone.

She had moved onto  _He's Just Not That Into You_  when the first film was done and spent most of it distracting herself by musing the lack of lesbian rom-coms. How could angsty-hetero movies even compare when there was a possibility of moving out of the friendzone?

And maybe that was the problem. Because while rejection hurt, Anna's complete failure to address her feelings was what really stung—was what truly hurt.

Elsa felt herself tearing up, the events of Christmas coming back to her. Pausing the movie and flicking it over to the TV, ready to watch the ball drop, she wiped at her eyes. It was almost midnight, and she hadn't even thought of any resolutions.

She wasn't sure she wanted to.

Standing up, she picked up the half-block of chocolate remaining, deciding to save it (and her pristine teeth) from further damage that night. She was halfway to the kitchen when a light tapping came from the front door.

"Elsa?"

Elsa's hands came to cover her mouth and she bit back a noise. The last—and yet the only—person she wanted to see was standing at her front door.

Opening the door, Elsa had to fight with herself not to slam it in Anna's face, rejecting the girl who had so thoroughly rejected her.

But she couldn't do that. Not when Anna looked so surprised to see her there or when she looked so beautiful. Elsa didn't even try to stop herself as her eyes raked up and down Anna's figure.

It had been a very long, lonely week.

After all, she had nothing more to lose.

Anna was wearing a pretty pink dress; Elsa had been with her when she bought it. The left sleeve was dangling off her shoulder a little, and Elsa watched in silence as Anna attempted to straighten it.

"Hi, Els..." the red-head said softly. Elsa swallowed.

"What do you want, Anna?" she asked, voice equally subdued.

Anna bit her lip, looking at Elsa with penitent eyes before looking away again. "Can I come in? Please?"

As loath as she was to let Anna in, Elsa still stepped back, allowing the girl entrance. Anna stood awkwardly in the foyer as Elsa closed the door. It was probably obvious that she had been crying but Elsa didn't care. She's been laid bare before Anna once already. Nothing could change it, make it any worse now.

"Where's Hans?" she asked, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. Anna bit her lip when she heard it, looking at the floor.

"Probably messing around with this Vanessa chick at the party," she said to the carpet. When Elsa didn't say anything, she continued, even softer than before, with, "I'm sorry, Elsa... I shouldn't have come here..."

Elsa shook her head, and had Anna been looking at her, she would have noticed the blonde swallow thickly. "You broke up with him?"

When Anna gave a small nod, it felt like a volcano erupted in Elsa's stomach. She had no idea how to take it, wasn't even sure if it was a good thing or not. Why was this so hard? Here they were, sharing stilted conversation on New Year's eve, minutes before Elsa planned to promise herself to be happy. And now here was Anna, confusing her all over again.

"Why?"

At that, Anna gave a shrug, before clearing her throat. "Elsa," she said, and didn't that just sting? Elsa could have cried at the tenderness with which Anna breathed her name. Anna beat her too it, though, and Elsa watched, unsure how to feel, as the red-head wiped at her eyes. "Elsa, I'm sor-"

"Stop."

The single word, interrupting Anna, managed to do just that. Anna sniffled and opened her mouth, but before she could say a word, Elsa was talking again.

"Don't- don't tell me you're sorry. It doesn't  _mean_  anything. Anna your words mean  _nothing_ —" Elsa cut herself off before she too began crying, but it made no difference. Her emotions had already been running high since Christmas. Coming face-to-face with Anna, she had no hope of holding them back. "Just go away," she whimpered, wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve. "Ignore how I feel once again, like always, Anna. Go away."

And maybe that was dramatic but Elsa still needed to say it. Without another word, Elsa turned and moved toward the steps, taking them two at a time in her bid to escape the soft eyes of her best friend and ready to lock herself away from the world once again. Away from Anna.

She didn't expect the red-head to follow her.

"Elsa!"

Anna forced the blonde's door open only seconds after it had been shut, and Elsa found herself unable to stem the angry torrent of words that spilled from her mouth like poison.

"Go  _away_ , Anna! Go back to your douchey boyfriend and laugh about what a stupid lesbian I am. Stupid Elsa Arendelle has a stupid fucking crush on her best friend! Who could ever like her when her "best friend" doesn't even- doesn't even notice?!"

He voice had gotten louder and louder until the final three words. Elsa's face was an unrecognisable swath of mottled red and white, tear-streaks staining her cheeks and hands as she desperately tried to wipe it away. Anna remained wide-eyed and silent as Elsa collapsed on the edge of her bed, gazing into the red-head's eyes as her voice broke.

"You kissed me, Anna. Didn't that-  _doesn't_  that mean anything?"

At any other time, it might have been funny; Elsa talking (loudly) about whatever was on her mind and Anna being the quiet, stoic one. Neither girl saw the humour in the situation at that moment.

"I—" And of course Anna didn't know what to say. Elsa tore her eyes away, crawling up to the head of her bed and sitting with her knees tucked under her chin.

"Don't hurt me anymore, Anna," she pleaded. "I'm tired of hurting."

"Elsa, I never wanted to hurt you, I- I was stupid. I didn't realise..." she let out a sigh. "I didn't realise it was  _me_." Anna moved closer, emboldened by Elsa's lack of response. She sat next to the blonde but made sure not to touch her. There was no telling what it would do.

"Nothing ever changed between us. I just thought you were confused. Like- like me. And I used to tell you everything but now I don't know what to do because you kept this from me and I don't even know why." Anna sniffled a few times, and Elsa willed her own tears to stop. She wanted to tell Anna to go away again, but at the same time, she knew she would regret it later. Her mind was at war with itself, and the only one who could call a ceasefire didn't understand.

Next to her, Anna continued talking. Elsa wasn't too sure what she was saying anymore; the mere fact of Anna's voice was enough. The smell of lavender from her shampoo. Elsa breathed it in and allowed herself to pay attention to what Anna was talking about again.

"I thought Hans was a nice guy. He was always so polite and formal and he liked me and- and I liked him. But then he laughed at you, Elsa, and something changed. And tonight, with our friends from school... he's not a nice person. But you are. You- you've always been there for me. You punched a guy for laughing at my freckles and no one believed him because you're always so quiet!" Anna let out a pathetic laugh at the memory. "Els," she said, turning her head to look at the blonde. She waited until Elsa had met her gaze, even half-heartedly, to continue. "Els, you've always been there for me when I was hurt or confused. Now it's my turn."

And before Elsa had a chance to even  _begin_  to comprehend Anna's words, the red-head had rolled onto her hands and knees, moving forward as her lips pressed softly against Elsa's, a hand swiftly coming up to cup her cheek. This time, unlike that night in the snow, Elsa did have time to react, and yet she didn't do anything but sit there as Anna moved slightly so she was facing Elsa more directly, pressure deepening for a moment before she pulled away.

"Anna?"

Anna's lips quirked in an almost-smile and she leaned forward again, ignoring the soft almost-question. Elsa's eyes remained open, staring into Anna's for as long as she could. When she increased the pressure, pushing Elsa's head back into the headboard, the blonde finally succumbed, closing her eyes and trying to enjoy the sensation of soft lips and warm breath against her.

Elsa tasted like chocolate, and Anna opened her mouth to draw in her friend's bottom lip, only for a moment before she backed away. Within seconds, her lips were back, teasing and coaxing Elsa to unwrap herself, to reciprocate.

"Elsa," Anna murmured just millimetres from the blonde's lips. She swallowed thickly, a heavy blush settling on her features as, when her tongue darted out to wet her lips, Elsa's eyes couldn't help but follow the action. Swallowing again, she closed her eyes and moved forward, resting her forehead against Elsa's and rubbing their noses together. "Elsa... kiss me."

Elsa couldn't breath. Not when Anna had asked for the very thing she wanted. Not with the other girl pressing so close, so warm. Her thoughts were flying a mile a minute as Anna pressed a chaste kiss at the corner of her mouth, urging her into doing exactly what she'd dreamed of for so long.

She didn't know how to feel. All she had wanted, for longer than she dared to remember, was Anna. But the newer memories—the recollection of Anna and Hans, of Christmas. Of outing herself and realising her dreams would never come to fruition because, after everything, Anna had never dreamed herself. Not this. Not with Elsa.

And yet here she was, kneeling in front of Elsa, lips hovering just out of reach. She  _wanted_  Elsa to move. The words—the plea—was accompanied by actions that only proved them true.

There was still that nagging doubt in Elsa's mind, though. Anna was asking for exactly what she wanted, but how could she be sure it wasn't a ruse? How could she be sure that Anna wasn't playing her, didn't have Hans waiting for her return, ready to laugh and gossip about Elsa and what she had done.

Elsa heard Anna murmur her name again, caught on the breath that hovered between them, and she decided.

She didn't care. She didn't care how much it hurt because being with Anna, having the red-head want  _her_  just as much as she was wanted, was enough for Elsa.

" _Anna_..." This time, when she said those two syllables, they weren't the soft, hesitant ones of earlier. This time, it was low and thick, coming not from Elsa's head but her heart. Bringing her hands up, Elsa clasped Anna's cheeks, pressing her lips solidly against Anna's. The other girl let out a muffled cry, surprised and unprepared for the vigour in which Elsa moved her lips, drawing Anna's bottom one into her mouth and sucking lightly before releasing it.

Elsa's eyes fell shut as she drank in the flavour and texture and  _essence_  that was Anna. Slowly, she uncurled herself, bringing her legs down and her hands up, tugging at the ties that held Anna's braids together. Anna's hands came up to meet hers, and soon her hair was free, Elsa's slender fingers running through it.

Slowing down, Elsa tried to pull Anna onto her lap, aware of the awkward angle in which the girl was leaning towards her. Anna broke the kiss with a slight shake of her head, eyes flickering up to meet Elsa's before moving down; whether in embarrassment or something else, Elsa couldn't tell.

Anna seemed about to say something, but nothing came out. Her mouth opened and shut for a moment, and the only thought that went through Elsa's head was  _why is she trying to talk when we could be kissing?_

The brief respite gave Elsa a chance to catch her breath, though, and she became aware of the familiar sensation sitting just below her stomach. Anna's eyes were wide and open, her mouth slightly ajar and cheeks flushed, and the sight did nothing to tame the embers that had begun to burn. Elsa knew what she wanted—her mind and body were crying out, _screaming_ , for the same thing—and yet none of it would mean a thing if Anna didn't want to, either.

Biting the corner of her mouth, the taste of Anna flickering at the edges of her memory, she beckoned the girl forward. Anna visibly swallowed, and Elsa gave her the softest smile she could muster.

It grew when she realised just how easy it was to smile in front of Anna, and she bit her lip bashfully.

Anna returned the expression. It was nice, kissing Elsa. It was comfortable. She was soft and delicate but so  _wanting_. Elsa  _wanted_  Anna. All of her.

Swallowing thickly, Anna moved forward. She pressed her nose into Elsa's cheek before kissing the spot she just nuzzled. Elsa's eyes fluttered shut at the sensation. All too soon, it was gone, but when Elsa opened her eyes, the new view was just as tantalising.

Anna was lying next to Elsa, propped up on one arm, a half-cocked grin revealing the tips of pearlescent teeth. She grasped her top lip between them and her gaze seemed to flicker from Elsa's mouth to her eyes.

Elsa could barely breath when Anna's hand found her cheek, guiding her forward and rolling slightly until Elsa was all but lying on top of her. She inhaled sharply as Elsa gained some sort of courage and, moving of her own accord, slipped her leg in between Anna's.

"Is this okay?" Elsa murmured, face flushed. Her breath puffed against Anna's face in warm little bursts, and she found herself unable to hold Anna's gaze. Her eyes flickered from Anna's cheeks to her chin, wanting to reach out and continue kissing the red-head senseless.

She held back, though. She didn't want to do anything without Anna's permission. As though the girl sensed her plight, Anna lifted herself up slightly, grazing her lips over Elsa's. As she moved away, the blonde followed her, settling deeper into the embrace of the younger girl.

"This is okay, Elsa," Anna responded into Elsa's lips. "Anything you want is okay."

Elsa honestly didn't need anything more than that. She was done waiting.

All but slamming her lips to Anna's, she grasped Anna's cheeks with her hands, pulling her as close as possible. Eyes squeezed shut, Elsa lost herself in the sensation of the girl beneath her; Anna's lips and teeth, her hands roaming lightly across the expanse of Elsa's back. The way Anna's body felt like fire, smouldering through the layers of cloth.

The  _warmth_  of Anna, a never-ending,  _raging_  inferno that Elsa couldn't get enough of. Her scent was as good as any oxygen, and Elsa breathed it in greedily. Having Anna beneath her was better than anything her deepest fantasies could conjure. Anna was real; they weren't.

That thought awoke something else in the blonde, and without thinking, she let one hand snake down to press against Anna's chest. The red-head gasped at the sudden sensation, and Elsa took that opportunity to deepen the kiss even further, letting her tongue play along the edges of Anna's lips before dipping lower, only for a moment.

Her own desire was obvious, in the flush of her face and she could feel her nipples pressing against her shirt, the material rough against her sensitive flesh.

It wasn't enough. She was torn between leaving Anna's lips to trail further down and keeping them there forever, basking in the taste of her best friend.

The very thought sent a delicious chill up her spine and, as though her body had a mind of its own, Elsa rolled her hips against Anna's thigh. The pressure could have made her sob. As it was, she broke the contact between their lips, hand pressing down as her face was buried into Anna's neck. She didn't want to make a sound and ruin whatever precarious moment was hanging between them.

She never realised how much she needed this, how perfect the moment was. A low moan built in her throat, though it was instantly quashed as she pressed her body closer, and yet it still  _wasn't enough_. She was barely aware of the way Anna's hands clenched in her hair, pulling at her braid, and Elsa dragged her mouth down to the top of Anna's dress, kissing the revealed flesh. Her thought about kissing each and every one of her friend's freckles came back to her, and in no time at all, she was lathering Anna's collar and throat with soft kisses.

"Oh  _God_ , Elsa." The three words were whispered into the night. Anna's fingers suddenly pressed deep into her scalp as she tensed for a moment; the way her head was forced to remain where it was, lips unable to part from the soft flesh, convinced Elsa that she was doing something right.

Proud of herself, even as Anna began to relax again, Elsa increased the pressure of her hand on Anna's breast, her own body alight. Anna's arms were still resting on her shoulders, and her fingers playing with the wispy strands of hair that had fallen from Elsa's braid. The air between them was charged, and Elsa wondered if Anna could feel it.

But how could she not, when she was staring into her eyes? How could she not when the kiss they had just shared was more passionate, more volatile, than even Elsa had ever dreamed?

Running the tops of her fingertips over the swell of Anna's chest, Elsa was rewarded with a soft noise. Her eyes didn't leave Anna's, even as the other girl's shut and she shivered a little at the sensation of Elsa's fingers massaging her tender flesh.

Anna moved slightly, and it took a few moments for Elsa to realise she was trying to reach the zip that ran down the left side of the dress. Her libido skyrocketed at the thought and her mouth dried up. If she had any coherent thoughts before, they were replaced by one single, burning desire.

"L-let me," she stuttered, suddenly shy. Never would she stop Anna, but this was going beyond what she had ever,  _ever_ dreamed possible. Anna gave a small nod, biting her bottom lip and looking away, and Elsa could have whined at the display. As it was, she felt barely-functioning.

Peeling away Anna's dress was a surreal experience. Though Elsa had to separate further than she wanted in order to rid Anna of the offending material, it was worth it as the smooth expanse of freckled skin was revealed. A sigh escaped Elsa's lips at the sight, and she clenched her legs together.

Anna's face heated up in a thick red blush as more skin was revealed. Elsa sat back, soaking in the sight of her best friend, just as Anna seemed to gain some courage and move up so she was sitting against the headboard.

The dress was tossed over the side of the bed, completely forgotten as Elsa's eyes roved over the constellation of Anna's body, drinking in each and every freckle.

She had wanted to kiss all of them, and she knew that if she had the chance, she'd never grow tired of it. There would be no place her lips didn't touch, and the thought sent a delightful tingle shooting into her stomach.

Sitting on her knees, Anna reached forward, grabbing Elsa's hips and trying to pull the blonde girl towards her. Elsa remained stuck in place, eyes still roaming over Anna's arms and stomach, flat and muscled, to the swell of her breasts hidden behind a pink bra.

Anna's chest heaved with heavy breaths, and Elsa's eyes were drawn to the movement. Her fingers reached out without her permission and trailed random patterns on Anna's stomach, feeling the muscles twitch below the skin.

Anna gave another tug, and Elsa became aware of what her friend was doing. She realised with a short start that Anna was almost bare in front of her and yet she still had most of herself covered.

Swallowing, she followed Anna's lead, shuffling closer. Of all the nights not to wear a bra... Elsa leaned forward, aware of how her camisole moved against her breasts.

She wanted Anna to touch her, undress her, press her against the bed and just  _take_  her, but the thought of vocalising such a thing sent her stomach clenching, and she bit back a low, pitiful moan, almost entirely unsuccessful as it echoed in the small space between the two of them.

Anna's hands, which were still, resting where they had fallen on Elsa's hips when the blonde first sat up, clenched at the sound. Surprised, Elsa jolted at the action, center grazing Anna's leg again.

"Guck," she choked out, clenching her eyes shut for a second to attempt to regain her composure before realising the noise she made and opening them again in horror. Anna looked just as startled as she felt, and Elsa's stomach felt all twisted up at the sight.

She opened her mouth to- what? Apologise? Elsa didn't know. It didn't end up mattering, though, when she caught sight of the expression on Anna's face, because she barely had time to take note of the grin pushing through a soft blush before Anna squeezed her hands again, this time forcing Elsa's hips to move.

" _Ugh_." The sound she made this time was less strangled, but by no means less involuntary. Elsa's arms flew up to try to cover her face in embarrassment, but Anna beat her to it, gently grasping her hands. Even the slight pressure of Anna's thumb on the inside of her wrists had the blonde shivering, enjoying it far more than she thought she would. Anna's head cocked to the side slightly at the motion, increasing the pressure increase a little more.

"...Hi..." she said softly, more breathy than she intended it to be. Anna angled her head away, almost bashfully, as she answered.

"Hi me?"

The simple exchange sat in such dark contrast to the similar, only a few weeks before. That time, their first kiss (and wasn't that thought just one of the most exciting?), Elsa hadn't been in control. Not of Anna, not of herself. How quickly had the red-head turned the tables on her, able to steer Elsa in the direction they both wanted?

Wetting her lips, Elsa watched, fascinated, as Anna's eyes followed the movement of her tongue. She had to close her eyes just so she could clear her head enough to speak. "A-Anna—" and  _oh_  simply saying her name made Elsa never want to stop, murmuring it to the heavens forever "—I don't want to- you need to- I don't—" and dammit, she couldn't speak anyway.

Anna seemed to understand, though, and Elsa found her lips pressed against Anna's own. This kiss was so different to the others they had shared. Closed and chaste, barely a peck, it still managed to convey such a sense of security, and undercurrents of something unnameable, as hadn't been shared by the two before.

When Anna pulled away, a soft smile accompanying her words, Elsa couldn't help but wonder how her friend managed to remain in charge of her mind; how could she stop it from falling victim to the same hazy mush that had replaced all of her own higher functions.

"I want this, Elsa," Anna said. "Right now, I want whatever this is..."

It would be so easy to let the desire at her center take control, let it lead and direct her actions, but Elsa had enough wits about her to realise that it wouldn't be for the best. She pushed down several different thoughts on how to proceed, each one becoming less and less forward, less bold, until there was a plan in mind that she was actually happy with.

One step at a time, Elsa.

Leaning forward, she pressed her lips deeply into Anna's as her arms came to wrap around speckled shoulders. She felt Anna's warm hands snake around her middle, and as their knees bumped, she realised just how much she wanted to touch Anna; hold her close, their skin brushing against each other in whatever moment they shared.

And that she wanted to see and feel even more of Anna.

It was Anna who surprised her next, though, and not her own actions; in the few moments she had drifted off, the pleasant sensation of Anna tickling at her lips, the red-head had managed to bring Elsa in even closer. Her lips began trailing down Elsa's neck, and the mere thought of Anna's lips sucking on her skin,  _marking_  her, sent another wave of pure heat pulsing through her body.

So slowly—she barely even realised it—Anna increased the pressure, all the while tugging Elsa's hips closer. Within a matter of minutes, Elsa found herself lying on her back, the delightful pressure of Anna against her front.

Their lips only broke after the need for oxygen became too great, Anna resting her head in the crook of Elsa's neck, kissing it softly. The sensation was pleasant enough, but nowhere near where Elsa wanted—or needed—her to be. She couldn't bring herself to voice such a thing, though, and instead murmured a soft, "Wait," into the still air.

Anna paused for a moment, moving back far enough for Elsa to adjust herself—and pull her pyjama pants off, leaving her in only slightly more material than Anna.

When Anna's hands reached up and behind her back to the clasp on her bra, Elsa could have whimpered. Her own hands sought out the hem of her camisole, but they didn't move further, waiting for Anna.

The last thing she wanted to do was scare her best friend away. Especially not in this moment.

But, Anna didn't seem scared. Her chest heaving, still trying to catch up on the breath she missed out on while kissing Elsa, she smiled, face bright red, the blush spreading down her neck and to the tops of her breasts. Her bra still hid her modesty, and obvious signs of her arousal, but Elsa had a feeling that obstruction wouldn't be there for too much longer.

She was right.

With practised movements, Anna unclasped her bra. Looking away, she slowly let the material fall to her lap, baring herself.

Honestly, Elsa wasn't sure how momentous an occasion this was. It wasn't like she had never seen Anna naked before, but now, in this setting, it had entirely different connotations. Never before had she been allowed to gaze, unhindered, at the sight of her best friend; the fact that she was sitting on Elsa's bed in only her underwear only made the situation worse (or was it better?) in Elsa's opinion.

Anna's breasts were... perfect. There was no other way to describe them. From their slight swell, larger than Elsa's (only a little, though. Anna had always been slightly stockier, and Elsa had always loved it), coated in warm freckles and peaked with perfect nipples.

She reached out to touch, before catching herself. Just because Anna had shown her didn't mean that she wanted anything else to happen.

But then Anna was covering them with her arms, embarrassed and awkward, as she looked away. Her eyes flickered over to the blonde for a second before moving back, and Elsa had no idea what Anna was trying to communicate. But it was  _embarrassing_  to talk about this stuff! People didn't actually talk to each other during... intimate moments, did they?

So, she would just have to show Anna with actions, not words. Wasn't that more romantic anyway?

...was this night even supposed to be romantic? Elsa didn't know. Didn't  _want_  to know, in all honesty. That wasn't the point. The point was that Anna was here anyway, with her— _for_  her.

If she hadn't already known it was impossible to love this girl even more, Elsa was sure her heart would swell at the thought. She would make this the best experience she could.

Leaning forward, Elsa held Anna's hips, pressing their lips firmly together. She let her hands wander up Anna's ribcage; gliding across the heated flesh, over the fabric of her underwear and onto Anna's thighs. Each movement was accompanied by a small shiver—if this was what Elsa could do without even touching Anna's breasts or between her legs, she could barely wait to truly touch Anna. They sat there for a moment, lips intertwined as Elsa moved closer and closer, bit by bit, until she was close enough to fully wrap Anna in a hug if she wanted.

She did want to, but there were other things to be done first—like removing her own top. No wonder Anna felt awkward.

But Elsa would be lying if she told herself that she was scared of what was happening. Nervous and excited, slightly apprehensive,  _incredibly_  turned on... but not scared.

Manoeuvring as best she could in the small space, unwilling to move too far away, Elsa slipped the camisole from her shoulders, letting it pool around her waist. Anna's eyes raked over Elsa's body, causing the blonde to blush. It was... nice... having Anna be just as interested in her body as she was of the red-head's.

Their lips met again, and within a matter of seconds, Elsa was lying down on top of Anna, her hands gripping her friend's hips as she shifted her weight, trying not to squash the girl prone beneath her. Their breasts brushed against each other, and almost simultaneously, they let out short gasps at the sensation. Elsa's was far more breathy, though Anna's was laced with surprise. Looking into the teal eyes of her best friend, Elsa saw the same desire swimming there that had to be in her own eyes.

She hadn't expected the whole situation to be so... comfortable. It was a little embarrassing, she readily admitted, to be so obvious—to be so easy to read—but the ever-present grin at the corner of Anna's mouth; the sparkle in her eyes, it was all more than enough to belay any and all fears.

For that reason, the embarrassment at being so receptive vanished as Anna's hand came up to her breasts, hands running over sensitive nipples. Elsa was torn between moving up to touch Anna, or just cradling the other girl. They were no longer kissing; Elsa's mouth was open a little bit, a silent gasp. Even her breath was shallow.

And then Anna's thumb ran over her left nipple, abandoning the tentative touches for something more substantial. It was painfully obvious that neither really knew what they were doing, but that was okay because they were  _together_.

And as much as Elsa loved having Anna beneath her, gloriously uncovered and so  _wanting_ , she wanted to touch her, hold her, have her.

So, swooping down, Elsa kissed her passionately, making small noises of pleasure into her mouth. Tongue running along Anna's bottom lip, Elsa almost distracted herself, getting lost in Anna; the feel of her against Elsa's bare skin, breasts pressed together with her knees on either side of Anna's hips, squeezing softly. Elsa hadn't known she could get any more turned on, and yet here she was.

The heat in her core pushed its way to the forefront of her mind, and it was al she could do not to reach down and tend to it herself. But why do that while Anna was here? Wasn't... wasn't that where this was going?

Swallowing, Elsa pulled back a little. Even as their lips separated, Anna kept close, nuzzling her nose into Elsa's. Such softness had the blonde's heart swelling, and she ran a hand through Anna's hair, stroking gently before bringing her other hand up to cup Anna's cheeks.

Placing a solid kiss on Anna's cheek, just below her right eye, Elsa sought out her friend's gaze, swallowing as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Anna," she murmured. "I want to touch you."

As if either of them were actually surprised at the soft admission.

Taking hold of one of Elsa's hands, Anna brought it up to her chest, pressing it to the smooth skin between her breasts before letting go. Elsa needed no prompting to move, hand gliding over the freckles to Anna's left breast. She could feel the red-head's eyes on her as her hand came to cover the soft flesh, but Elsa couldn't take her eyes from Anna's chest.

Her hands moved from one to the other, continue their exploration of Anna's skin. Elsa set about memorising the dips and curves of her best friend's body. With the barest of pauses, Elsa leaned up, nuzzling into Anna's chest. The red-head's hands, which had fallen to Elsa's ribs, came up to tangle in blonde hair as Elsa captured one pink nipple in her mouth.

Oh. So this was happening. An embarrassed blush overtook the aroused one on her face as Elsa moaned lowly, the vibrations traveling through her freckled chest.

When Elsa's hand moved back to her other breast, she couldn't hold back the squeak that erupted from her mouth at the force with which Elsa's fingers rolled her nipple.

If the moan that sounded from the blonde was any indication, it was obvious that she liked the Anna's reaction.

Snaking her hand down, Elsa ran her fingertips over the waistband of Anna's underwear, revelling in the way the girl rolled her hips softly. Elsa moved her mouth from Anna's heaving chest, moving up to nip at her jaw.

"This okay?" Each syllable was uttered almost reluctantly, as though any noise would destroy the precarious position they had found themselves in. She needn't have worried as Anna nodded, hips becoming ever-more insistent as Elsa's fingers slowly dipped under the material.

 _God_  Anna was so warm and wet and  _wanting_. Her middle finger glided over Anna's clit, and the red-head jolted back with a sharp intake. Her hips squirmed as Elsa did it again, and she clenched her eyes shut, looking away. Elsa had no way of predicting what the sight of Anna moving beneath her— _because_  of her—would do, but in the moment all she could dwell on was just how arousing it was.

Dipping a finger lower, Elsa met Anna's lips in a searing kiss, swallowing the short cry that came from her sliding a finger into her friend, thumb pressing insistently on Anna's clit.

"Mmph!" Elsa felt Anna's jaw lock as she began to move her finger, not quite sure if she should (or even could) add a second one. The angle was different from her own ventures, and she focussed her efforts on the sensitive bundle of nerves, thumb rubbing haphazardly over it. Elsa's own hips began to roll, desperate for friction of her own to bring similar pleasure.

Elsa felt Anna's legs attempt to close around her hand, and the red-head's entire body tensed with an, "Ah!" as her thumb swiped up. Elsa looked on, equal parts confusion and want present on her face as Anna sucked her lips into her mouth..

Elsa had revelled in the earlier feel of Anna's hands running through her hair, so it came to her as a surprise when she realised that those same hands now held her wrists, no longer entangled in her platinum locks. Unable to continue, she looked at Anna, whose open eyes shone softly with ...relief?

... Had she come already?

"Let me touch you, Elsa," Anna said softly, voice slightly breathless. "You've been wanting this so much longer than me..." Swallowing, Elsa moved her hand from Anna's underwear, nodding softly. She couldn't deny how much she wanted Anna to touch her now that the other girl had mentioned it.

Repositioning themselves, Anna atop her blonde friend, Elsa couldn't help but sigh at the pleasant pressure all around her. Almost immediately, her hips began moving, and she could finally allow herself to think of her own need, a slickness in her underwear that begged attention.

Anna didn't give it.

Starting at the top of Elsa's forehead, she began kissing every inch of the flushed skin, letting her hands drift lightly over her flesh. She avoided Elsa's lips, though, instead moving straight on to the girl's neck and sucking heavily, nipping and licking the tender flesh that would only come up as a thick bruise. The idea of Anna leaving a mark on her sent such a wave of arousal coursing through Elsa that she couldn't bite back the needy moan that rolled from her tongue, carrying Anna's name into the space between them. Her chest arched upward, and all too soon, Anna was moving on, lingering at her collar before arriving at her breasts.

Elsa had never been one to focus on them, but  _God_  having Anna take one nipple into her mouth, rolling and sucking, Elsa had developed a new-found appreciation for that aspect of her body.

She hadn't believed it was possible to be  _this turned on_ , but maybe that was just the effect Anna had on her. The relentless teasing was something she'd never had enough control to attempt herself, and as Anna's hand slowly began its descent to where she needed it most, she knew she wouldn't last long anyway.

She didn't even attempt to silence the moan that sounded from her throat as Anna finally,  _finally_ , began to touch her. God she was so  _ready_  for this.

Anna's middle finger moved up and down slowly, from one end of her slit to the other. She wasn't kissing Elsa's breasts anymore; her face was turned upward, watching the blonde with an almost frightful intensity.

"Oh- ohh..." The soft noises, coupled with the scrutiny in which she was being observed, should have embarrassed Elsa. Instead, they only made her more desperate for Anna's touch, and she began grinding her hips upward, seeking out as much friction as she could. Anna slipped her finger into Elsa's warmth, moving in time to the gyrations of her hips.

"Anna..." she moaned, letting her eyes fall shut. She had no idea what Anna was doing—thrusting, circling, rubbing, pressing?—only that it felt a thousand times better than her own hand ever had. Her body knew what it wanted as she pulled Anna in for a searing kiss, but she couldn't identify the feeling that was consuming her save for the warmth that was quickly spiralling out of control. It was more than just Anna's hand that was bringing her ever-closer to release; her own moans in her ears, Anna's naked chest pressing up against her and the  _thought_  of her friend, a fantasy that wasn't even such anymore because it was  _real_. Anna was here, with her.

The buildup of her impending release was nothing next to the swelling in her chest. Her movements grew ever-more fervent, hands knotting themselves in Anna's hair and holding their lips together as Anna's finger slipped into her, deeper than before. Elsa's chest heaved as Anna did  _something_ ; suddenly, the rising waves finally peaked and crashed, pressure releasing all at once as an indescribable heat smothering her. She shuddered and shook in Anna's arms, hips rolling forcefully even as Anna kept her hand moving, slowly bringing her down.

Elsa's hands slipped from Anna's head, the strength sapped from her. She was acutely aware of the stickiness between her legs as Anna removed her hand, placing tender kisses on Elsa's face. Her hands came to wrap around the blonde's shoulders, and Anna rolled them slightly so she was lying on her side, facing Elsa.

With a shock, Elsa realised that somewhere between the mind-blowing orgasm and Anna hugging her, she'd begun crying. Salty tears slowly dripped down her cheeks, and she hastily wiped them away. Who cried at such a moment? She was  _happy_ , dammit.

But Anna didn't seem to mind. She just pulled Elsa close, letting the blonde curl into her while she nuzzled her head, eventually lifting Elsa's face in order to kiss her again.

They barely managed to slide under the covers as sleep began to take them. Anna kept her grip on Elsa, and the blonde knew happiness for the first time in months.

She kissed Anna until she couldn't anymore, and even then, she dreamed of it.

* * *

The first sensation Elsa became aware of was a warmth at her front that was so at odds with the chill that had settled on her back. Her fingers flexed, meeting softness that she hadn't expected.

Using a finger to dig at the sleep in the corners of her eyes, she slowly opened them, greeting the world.

She was in turn greeted with the sight of Anna, still asleep next to her. A gentle smile worked its way onto Elsa's lips, and she used a hand to brush untamed red hair from Anna's face.

The action seemed to wake her normally-unwakeable friend, and Anna blinked blearily at her.

"Hi…" she murmured after a few moments, her own lips quirking in a small grin. "How are you feeling?"

Elsa bit her lip, eyes darting over Anna's face. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt such peace. Her fingers trailed lightly around Anna's face, brushing over her lips as Elsa contemplated an answer.

"I feel..." she began, "I feel really... happy." And she did. "You make me happy, Anna."

Anna grinned at her then, leaning forward. Her lips connected solidly against Elsa's for a moment, and the blonde sighed softly. How could she truly explain the gravity of her feelings? It wasn't, as she had always known, about Anna's body. Her feelings were in Anna's spirit; her laugh and her smile and how desperately she fought for anything she believed in.

How much she had done for Elsa only a few hours beforehand.

Flickers of the night passed through Elsa's mind, and she was pleased when she didn't even blush. They were still in their underwear, and despite her want to take a shower, it was nowhere near as powerful as wanting to stay with Anna.

"Do…" she started, worrying a lip between her teeth, "What do we do now?"

Elsa couldn't explain it, but she was suddenly self-conscious. Perhaps it was the daylight, or the fact that the lust and desire had vanished, but she moved back a little, hugging her chest for a moment until she realised her shirt was still pooled at her waist— _how did I miss that?_

Anna watched in mild confusion as Elsa covered herself up. "Elsa-?"

"-What happens now?" Elsa asked. She thought back to the previous night, the memories half-formed and probably inaccurate. Had anything actually been decided? What actually- "What does this mean?"

Anna struggled with the question for a second. She was still lying beneath the sheets, and didn't seem nervous or scared at all. About anything. "It means I lost my virginity to my best friend."

But wasn't that a  _lie_? What had Elsa done when she… pleasured… her friend? It didn't seem to ruin their friendship, but how could it not have?

Mind untainted with the haze of desire, Elsa was able to think back objectively and realise that her actions had been nowhere near as good as Anna's. The way the red-head stopped her, turned the attention onto her own body...

The way her groans sounded so good in the moment but now, with her mind untainted, Elsa could see them as less of the lust-filled cries that she had so wanted them to be. The way Anna had... she'd moved away. She'd taken Elsa's hand and stopped her, and not for the reason Elsa had assumed the previous night.

Who stops someone in the middle of  _that_  unless they didn't like it?

Swallowing thickly, Elsa found that she couldn't look at Anna. She felt so vulnerable.

And maybe she'd said last night that she didn't care, because having that moment with Anna was all worth it, but now, she couldn't help but think she'd taken something that Anna hadn't been ready to give. And just because she wanted to give it to Anna didn't mean that the red-head wanted to receive it.

Sure, she had started it, but did that matter? Before, during, and after the fact, Elsa had known that Anna didn't feel quite as powerfully as Elsa felt for her. But she'd still held onto that small hope that maybe those feelings were dormant—that's she had them, bubbling just below the surface. After all, it had taken months for Elsa to be able to admit to herself what she felt for Anna.

Another lost fantasy for the hopeless dreamer in her.

"Elsa," Anna said, taking the blonde's hand, eyes never leaving Elsa's. "I would do it again. You're my best friend. Nothing we do can take that away."

Elsa ripped her hand from Anna's, standing up from the bed. Grabbing her pants from where they had been tossed, she shoved her legs into them.

"You don't-" Elsa began. She became aware of a warmth in her chest, and pressure behind her eyes.  _God_  she was so sick of crying, She dug the heel of her hand into her eyes, relishing the roughness. "You don't  _get_  it, Anna. You- you made me feel  _so good_  last night but I couldn't do that for you. And it wasn't because we- because of what we did-" God she couldn't even say the word.

Removing her hands from her eyes, she noticed Anna's own gaze focussed somewhere on the floor.

"Anna?" she asked, arms coming to wrap around her waist in a self-hug. "Anna?" she questioned again when the red-head didn't look at her.

It took a few seconds before Anna lifted her gaze, looking at Elsa. There was an emotion in her eyes that Elsa had seen before, could name and address but didn't want to.

"Do you-" she began, swallowing the emotion that was building in her chest as best she could. "Do you regret it?"

And of course she didn't have to elaborate because there was only one thing she could be talking about, but the mere fact that Anna didn't answer straight away gave Elsa all she needed.

"I-" Anna began, eyes still averted. "I was confused-" and  _oh god_  wasn't that the worse thing she could possibly say? "-and I just-" She paused and gave a sniffle before finally looking up at Elsa, eyes red and swimming in tears she hadn't allowed to fall. "I didn't want to lose you. I wan- wanted to make you happy..."

And Elsa knew that maybe that was always the case, and that it would always end like this, but was it so wrong for her to hope? To maybe dream of that happy ending because if you couldn't share that dream of your future with your best friend, who could you share it with? And it wasn't like it was Anna's fault that such a thing could never come to pass, but neither was it Elsa's, and she needed someone to blame.

"I can't- I can't do this," she murmured to herself. Her hands clenched on her hips and her vision blurred. She didn't notice Anna get up and cover herself, stepping closer to the blonde with every second that passed.

"You'll always be my best friend, Elsa. If you don't want this to change anything, it won't." She moved to wipe away the tears that had begun to drip down Elsa's face, but the blonde pushed her away.

" _No_. I can't do  _this_ , Anna," she repeated, louder. There was no way the red-head couldn't hear her. "Any of it." She took a breath, running her arm over her eyes. What she would give to not have to do this... "It  _hurts_ , Anna, can't you see? I… I _love_  you. I can't… I can't be friends with you when I feel like this because it's always going to hurt. I'm so  _tired_  of hurting. I can't bare the thought of you never being mine. Of you finding someone else and leaving me for them. I'm so  _selfish_  and you made me better but it's never- it's never going to be enough."

There was complete silence between them as Elsa finished, and though she knew she should try, she couldn't bring herself to look at Anna.

Suddenly, a choked sob sounded from Anna as the full gravity of the statement hit her. And maybe it had been building for a while but Elsa hadn't made eye-contact for several minutes, adding one more step of distance that she never thought would be between them.

"But- Elsa, you're m-my  _best friend_ ," Anna said, voice trembling and barely above a whisper. "I don't- I can't lose you. If- if you give me a chance, I'm sure I can fall in love with you-"

Elsa let out a little laugh that was more like a hiccup-turned-sob because it was all just so messed up. She could barely see Anna for the tears in her eyes. "Anna, I've felt like this for  _years_  and you never noticed. You never- never thought or believed in this until you found out. I can't- it hurts me being like this, and me being here will hurt you-" Anna made a small noise, but Elsa held up her hand to stop her. "No, it will because- because you're always going to feel bad that you don't reciprocate. And that's… that's okay. It's neither of our faults. But Anna, I can't be happy with you because it's not really  _with_  you…"

There was a choke from in front of her, and Elsa knew Anna was crying. She was breaking both their hearts. She didn't move out of the way fast enough to avoid the hug Anna forced on her, but it was different to all the others they had shared in the past. This one was full of the unspoken promises and potential that both girls knew they'd never have a chance to say.

"I'm so sorry, Elsa," she murmured, placing a small kiss on her best friend's cheek before slowly releasing her. Elsa didn't say anything as Anna gathered her clothes, tears still streaming silently down her face.

"You'll still always be my best friend." Elsa gave a shaky nod, wiping her face as she attempted a pathetic smile.

"Goodbye, Anna."

_You'll still always be mine, too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to everyone who supported me during this journey (and Elsa The Ice Biotic, who beta read part of it). I hope that you enjoyed it (but probably not). I just wanted to write a story that reflects life. Life doesn't always end happy. You don't always get that fairytale ending Elsa was dreaming of.
> 
> This was inspired, a little, by my own experiences. The first girl I liked ended up moving schools /because of that and I was ostracised by my remaining 'friends'. Sometimes bad things happen. And in this story, it happened to Elsa, unfortunately.
> 
> The ending is rather different to the first one I thought up however I felt it was necessary for Elsa to initiate the split. She had to be strong and pull away first (something I regret not doing). So, for me, there's an element of fantasy in here, too.
> 
> Another moral is that good people make mistakes, too. Both Anna and Elsa are at fault here. Doesn't make it any better, but I felt it was important to clarify.
> 
> Once again, thank you all. This part was a long time coming (but it's almost as long as chapters 1-3 together, so I hope that makes it worth it).
> 
> Thank you xx


	5. part the fifth | epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> present from me to you because it's my birthday and you all deserve this <3 thank you for sticking it out, and I hope it's worth it.

The door to the little café swung open, the bell above it dinging cheerfully as Elsa pulled her coat tighter around her body. She'd already glanced at the menu above the counter, having decided on what she was getting about three seconds after Belle asked if she wanted to get a coffee, and was currently waiting on the brunette to make up her own mind.

"Why don't you just get what I'm getting?" she asked, shooting Belle a wonky grin. The other girl shuddered visibly.

"Because," Belle began, "You 'ave  _terrible_  taste in coffee."

Which naturally had Elsa pouting at her. "Ah, fine, fine, ma cherie," she relented. The corner of Elsa's lips curled upwards and she leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to the brunette's lips. That finally brought a smile to Belle's face, even though she rolled her eyes when Elsa pulled away.

Only to pull the brunette in again close, pressing their mouths together more solidly for a moment.

"So  _needy_ ," Belle grinned when Elsa finally pulled away. Elsa just stuck her tongue out.

"Yeah, but you love me for it," she teased.

Belle grinned. "I do," she said, colour filling her cheeks. Elsa wondered briefly when either of them would work up the courage to simply say those three little words. It wasn't like neither of them realised.

That thought was just as swiftly brushed aside. That was something for another day. The line moved forward an inch as yet another college student received their double-shot espresso (the only thing that could keep half of them awake, really). It seemed as though most students had exams, for almost all of the tables were empty, the majority of people getting take-out rather than sitting and drinking in the cozy shop.

"'Ow are your parents?" Belle asked suddenly. "Zey 'ave returned from 'oliday?"

Elsa grinned a little. "Yesterday. I'm going to see them after exams..." she trailed off, and Belle cocked her head.

"Elsa?" Belle asked just as the door swung open again, probably to let a new flock of students in. Elsa didn't feel the chill—not with Belle pressed so close against her. "Is somezing ze matter?"

Opening her mouth to reply, she felt her entire body freeze when she heard her name being called by a soft and terrifyingly familiar voice.

"Elsa?"

Whipping her head around, Elsa found herself face-to-face with... her past.

Anna, but not the Anna she knew, was standing in all her un-awkward glory, eyes wide. Her hair, if possible, was even brighter than Elsa remembered, freckled skin uncovered by makeup or clothing, and teal eyes still full of laughter. She was wearing jewellery—a necklace and a ring—and she'd had her nose pierced; a small, unassuming blue stud shining in the bright café light.

There was a blond boy standing next to her, holding her hand. He shot Elsa a smile before shuffling forward with the line, dropping Anna's hand as the two girls remained where they were standing. Vaguely, Elsa noticed Belle's own arm loosen from hers and the girl whisper something about a mocha and a table before she vanished.

"A-Anna?" Elsa stuttered. Her entire face felt slack, and she couldn't find any emotion other than shock rattling around in her head. Perhaps it was lucky that Anna had never been one for silences or awkward moments as she stepped forward.

"Wow, it's been  _ages_ ," she said, still grinning, though it was softer. Not quite as surprised as when Elsa had first turned around. More natural. "How long now?"

Before Elsa could answer—before she could even begin to think  _of_  an answer—the cashier called her up. She shot Anna a look as she ordered and paid for Belle's drink, and her own, moving to let Anna order her own.

Standing to the side, Elsa couldn't help but let her eyes rake over the other woman. She'd grown, definitely, both in height and in other, less definable, ways. The freckles on her face seemed to have multiplied, and there was a bleached strand of hair above her right temple that hadn't been there the last time Elsa had seen her friend.

Were they still friends?

She remembered the last promise that Anna had made to her, and she to the red-head. And, she remembered how dismally it failed. They hadn't remained "best friends".

"Five years," Elsa croaked out. Anna jumped slightly, turning from where the cashier was painfully counting change. She hadn't been expecting Elsa to speak, it seemed, and shot the blonde a curious look. "It's been five years, or thereabouts," Elsa elaborated. "Your birthday was last month, wasn't it?"

And even though it was a question, Elsa knew the answer. And maybe Anna knew that, too, but she still nodded her head. "Yep. Had a party and went out and stuff. Kris took me to a bar and bought my first legal drink." She smiled. "What did you do for yours?"

Elsa shrugged, thinking back, before smiling softly. She'd gone to dinner with Belle before catching a late showing of a film both of them had wanted to see. It had been good, but Belle had been better.

Swiftly realising that wasn't the direction she wanted to go in, Elsa gave an awkward cough. "I uh, just... it was a small thing. Nothing too fancy. You know me."

And Anna gave the most peculiar little smile at that. Elsa didn't know what to say. They stood in silence for a few moments, avoiding one another's gaze. Elsa could see Belle sitting at a table in the corner, talking to the blond man who had entered with Anna. She looked about as uncomfortable as Elsa felt, and she bit back a smile.

Her focus returned to Anna when the other girl sucked in a breath and Elsa was suddenly wrapped in an achingly familiar embrace. She hesitated only a second before returning it, hands wrapping around Anna as she sunk into the hug.

"I missed you," Anna said softly, and Elsa couldn't even respond because what could she say? She wasn't even sure what to  _think_ , let alone actually voicing anything. Only when Elsa's name was called did they pull apart. Not long after, Anna's name was heard, and after collecting her own drinks, the duo made their way over to the blond and brunette, sitting at a table in the corner.

The blond boy stood up, about to direct Anna to another table, when Belle uttered a small noise. "Per'aps we should share a table, no?" Though she was speaking to the boy, her eyes were on Elsa; when she gave a minute nod, Belle smiled. She sat down and indicated the seats opposite. "I am sure you 'ave much to talk about," she said, though her hand still sought out Elsa's under the table.

Of course Belle knew who it was. She'd heard Elsa utter Anna's name earlier, and she'd heard stories of the vibrant red-head before anyway. Still, she held her hand out to Anna, who had taken a seat directly opposite Elsa.

"I am Belle," she said. Anna took the proffered hand greedily before jerking her thumb at the boy next to her.

"I'm Anna. This lump is Kristoff," she said, grinning easily as he nudged her. Elsa's heart gave an uncertain lurch at the familiar interaction, but Belle's hand on hers steadied her.

Unfortunately, Elsa could do nothing about the silence that followed save for sipping slowly on her hot chocolate. She didn't know what to say—didn't know what she  _could_  say. In front of Belle, she could say anything and not be afraid. Once upon a time that had... well,  _almost_  been Anna. Now, she wasn't so sure. And that wasn't even including the boy sitting with her.

"So..." Anna's voice broke through the stifling silence, clearly just as uncomfortable with it as everyone else. The lack of general hubbub throughout the café didn't help. "Have you guys been to the build-a-snowman display next to the ice statues? In the main street? Kris and I went yesterday. Got beaten by like, twelve-year-olds." She let out a small chuckle that was only partially forced.

"A display?" Belle asked while Elsa shook her head.

"I haven't built a snowman since-" Elsa began before stopping herself. It was too late—Anna had already guessed what she was going to say, and her face had fallen. Elsa turned her own face to her lap, ears burning.

"Elsa-" Anna began, but she was interrupted by Belle, who made a small noise and gave Anna a smile to show she meant no offense. Her next words diffused all doubt that she had, anyway.

Clearing her throat, Belle turned to Kristoff. "Would you mind showing me zis display?" she asked. "My papa would carve into ze ice occasionally, 'owever he was more into carving wood, ah."

Kristoff cocked his head quizzically for a moment before his eyes widened and he beat out a hasty, "Sure!" He got to his feet, and Elsa felt, with rising trepidation, Belle's hand leave hers. "I actually did a bit of ice-carving as a kid," Kristoff was saying, "So it's always fun seeing other people's techniques..."

His voice trailed off as he and Belle exited the café, the bell dinging cheerily behind them. It was only then that Elsa noticed how quiet the shop was. The line was gone, and the only people still hanging around were the few that didn't have exams, and the barista.

"I really missed you, you know?"

Anna's voice brought Elsa's attention back to the table, and she almost cursed herself until she realised that Anna wasn't even looking at her. She was staring into her coffee, clasped between her hands, with her eyebrows furrowed. Elsa focussed on the silver ring, shining proudly. Anna kept speaking.

"And I know it was hard but it hurt when you left coz... coz I didn't expect it and you never said goodbye or anything." She let out a small sigh and looked at Elsa. "Because we made a promise to each other..."

Elsa bit her lip and looked away. She didn't know what to say.

Fortunately (or perhaps not), Anna was always the better talker. She leaned forward, eyes imploring. "Elsa," she said. "We were best friends. We took each other's  _virginity_. I would have thought that meant I'd at least get a _phone call_  saying you'd moved, not... not what happened..."

Elsa gave a dry choke—something between a laugh and a sob. "I tried," she began, pressing her fingernails into her palms. "I think that we both knew, though, that we couldn't stay friends. Not after that. It hurt too much, Anna." She inhaled sharply, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears that were beginning to form.. "It s-still hurts, sometimes..."

Their eyes met, a strange emotion swirling in Anna's that Elsa could barely see, let alone place.

"It does?"

It wasn't the faint hope in Anna's voice that Elsa had seen in her eyes, was it? Even if she'd wanted to ask to check, Elsa couldn't have. Her voice had caught in her throat, and all she could do was offer a shaky nod and croak out, "You were my best friend," with a small shrug. Whatever calm aura she'd attempted to give off was immediately undermined by the tremor in her jaw and redness in her eyes.

Of all the places to cry about this, it had to be in front of Anna, in public.

Blinking rapidly, she forced the tears away. "So, how has your life been? You and, uh, Christopher?" she asked, desperate to change the subject. Anna understood; there was no reason to bring up past hurts, past regrets.

Instead, her eyes lit up, and she bit her lip, and Elsa ignored the way that Anna may have been tearing up a little, too. "Kristoff," she corrected with a grin, and Elsa let a small smile slide onto her lips.

But then Anna's eyebrows furrowed. "I uh... good. After you moved, I sort of... you know, had to make other friends. I met Kristoff about six months after you moved away, and we kind of just... hit it off. He became my rock, y'know? Asked me on a date a few months later, turned him down, then  _I_  asked him on a date and he turned me down and it was this whole mess coz I liked him and he liked me." She grinned. "Finally got that date for senior prom, and made it official a few weeks later. And now we're uh... here," she finished lamely. Elsa smiled softly at Anna as the girl finished her speech, though she couldn't help but think that Anna had something else to say.

"He seems nice," she said, and Anna nodded, looking away to conceal her own grin.

"He's wonderful." And then Anna coughed, her eyes lifting to meet Elsa's, a cheeky smile filling her cheeks. "And what about you and Belle?" she asked. "She seems, hmm...  _cultured_. What's the story?"

"She's my uh," Elsa began, taking a breath. "I met her at orientation. There was a empty seat next to her in the library. We're just, uh, just friends."

Anna let out a small snort, that same damned smile on her face. "Please, Els. You're a terrible liar, and it's  _so_ obvious there's something between you two. Roomies? Girlfriends? Friends with benefits? C'mon, spill."

All while Anna had been speaking, Elsa could feel her face falling, heart mimicking its descent. It was one thing to ask how Anna had been, but something else entirely to have the question parroted back. Elsa took a sip of her now-lukewarm drink in the hopes that it would return some colour to her cheeks, or wetness to her mouth.

It was stupid because Anna was right—there was more than just friendship between the two of them. But when Elsa opened her mouth to answer, no sound came out. She watched as Anna's eyes widened a little, her face falling. It didn't help alleviate the sick feeling in Elsa's stomach.

"Shit, Els," Anna said, the words little more than breathy whispers. "I'm- I'm sorry, that was presumptuous. God, we don't even- don't even know each other anymore..." She looked at Elsa with imploring eyes. "You don't have to answer that, I'm sorry. I just wanted- look, if you- Belle... Belle seems really nice."

Elsa swallowed thickly and nodded, unable to find any words. She just... wasn't ready.

They sat there in silence for another five minutes—until their drinks were completely cold. Elsa couldn't, and refused to, deny the fact that she had missed Anna. That she longed for that same friendship they'd once shared. But, she harboured no illusions that getting to that stage would be easy, if it were possible at all.

"I think... we should go find our friends," Elsa said. A brief look of sadness crossed Anna's features before she pushed it away. Elsa stood from her seat before Anna could say a word.

She'd almost made it out the door, actually, when Anna caught up. A hand clasped in hers forced Elsa to stop, and though Anna dropped it almost straight away, they still ended up simply looking at each other, not saying a word.

That is, until Anna broke the silence and moved, throwing her arms around Elsa.

"I really missed you, Elsa, and I want to meet up again. I want to be friends again. We were so close, and I  _know_ we can be like that again. You're my sister. I love you."

She broke away as soon as those words left her mouth, rubbing the back of her head in an embarrassed gesture. "Plus, I think we've broken enough promises to each other, and I distinctly remember when we were in primary school that we would be each other's bridesmaids..."

She smiled at Elsa, hand coming up to scratch at her nose and, in the process, giving Elsa a perfect view of the ring.

An engagement ring.

And Elsa couldn't help herself. She bit her lip and blinked rapidly to stem the ears that had sprung to her eyes, nodding because  _this_  was what Anna hadn't said earlier, and it was wonderful and is  _didn't hurt_.

It didn't hurt. Anna was happy and Elsa was happy and they were happy  _apart_. But that didn't mean they couldn't come together again.

But Anna had that same wide-eyed expression as when she'd asked about Belle. "I mean, if you want," she was saying, "because the promises of ten-year-olds aren't like, legally binding, and the wedding won't be for years because weddings are  _expensive_ , but he only asked last month and we're having a party in a few weeks and- well... if you want. I would... really like it if you did..."

She trailed off when Elsa didn't stop nodding, a tentative smile climbing both their faces.

"We need to find our significant others," Elsa began. "But... I think I could manage another coffee with you..."

She held out her arm, and Anna linked arms. They exited the café together, walking hand-in-hand to meet up with their loved ones.

And Elsa couldn't have been happier.


End file.
